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My strange trip to Coronaville
My C19 case wasn’t severe, and it wasn’t mild either. It was mainly just weird, which isn’t really surprising considering the rest of my life. I felt off for a few days, and then the sledge-hammer hit me on a Friday. I suddenly knew I was really sick. For the next hour I felt like I was on the upslope climb of a roller coaster. I had a strong sensation that a freefall was coming, and it did.
My main physical symptom was complete exhaustion. Getting up was a major event. Moving across the room felt like climbing a mountain. I can't really say that I felt sick. I felt like I was gone into another dimension, as if the exhaustion had escalated into nothingness.
I can only remember peeing once that weekend, and it was like peeing orange juice. There might have even been pulp, but I doubt it. I don’t think my kidneys had any damage, but I can see how it might happen to people. My partner insists that I peed more than once, so there’s that.
He’s my only source for external information about that weekend. I’ll get back to him, but first I’ll explain my internal adventure, which I now call My Mathematical Weekend. By late Friday my mind became obsessed with numbers. I could feel myself getting pulled into the numerical force-field against my will, but I had no idea where I was headed and I was too tired to resist.
Going into Saturday morning the numbers had morphed into living characters that also had some type of mechanical component to them. There were multitudes of them. Sometimes some of them had individual personalities, but the entire crowd of numbers also had a powerful collective vibe. There didn’t seem to be a dividing line between being awake or asleep. Everything was numbers all of the time no matter what I did. I couldn't shake them or have any non-number thoughts.
The civilization of numbers had an agenda, so there was a definitive drive within them to accomplish something. They were constantly trying to work themselves into an optimal alignment in order to reach their goal, or maximize their objective, or do whatever it was that they wanted. I couldn’t tell what they were doing, but I could tell that they were really determined.
What seemed weird to me during the delusions is that sometimes I could feel myself trying to maintain some control of my personality, but it was being steadily subsumed by the numbers. I was becoming one with the numbers, and maybe even becoming one of them. I spent three days in Number World.
It was a three-dimensional world where the numbers constantly revolved and flowed like a river of tumbling gears. The whole trip was visually fascinating, which is part of why I think that a virus-induced DMT release might have been involved. The length of my C19 delusions was a remarkable part of it. My consciousness wasn’t really a personality for three days.
My partner knew that something number-related was going on with me, but that was about the extent of what he could decipher. He said that I tried to get him to help with some project that the numbers evidently wanted to accomplish, but he wasn’t impressed by the sanity-level of the goal, so he opted out. He decided to humor me and just root for the numbers from the sidelines. He said that I seemed satisfied by that degree of commitment at the time.
He claims that I had some other wild mental adventures over that weekend. One of them involved some people named Rick and Julie, who somehow got themselves into serious trouble with the law. The crazy part of it is that I was wide awake and determined to help them, even though I don’t know a Rick or a Julie in real life, so they obviously, to my partner anyway, didn’t exist to be helped. Supposedly I got pretty upset about the likelihood of their impending arrests. I don’t remember any of that. The only thing I remember about that weekend is the numbers.
He got sick too. We were on the road, so we rode it out in a deserted motel that had gone into its own strange ghost-town-lock-down mode. We were ready to get help if we needed it, but we never got all that sick. It was tolerable, but expensive. We eventually had to return home to family life, so we saw a doctor before going home. The kids were fine. We mainly didn't want to give it to them and let them spread it. I now have the antibodies. Hopefully my body is officially free of C19.
My experience seems unusual enough to report here. I might post some other stuff later. I'm not so sure that I want to talk about C19. It's obviously an important topic. I'm just in the mood to leave it behind me.
Comments
@Janie You are an unusual bird and it sounds like the numbers and you gave Covid a run for its money.
I've read a thousand things by now, but little with any color or even substance, especially on the mental side of things. Hope it was useful to write it down, certainly was to read it.
I admire your man's relaxitude under numerical fire....you do know, of course, that somewhere down the line, in Memphis or Mojave or somewhere in between, you're going to be at a bar or in a bus station cafe and strike up a conversation with a nice young couple, seem on the level, travelling light, and they'll introduce themselves, but you'll already know them to be Rick and Julie...
That was a really good re-telling of one bizarro experience.
Compelling read, for sure.
Glad to hear you 2 made it through ok.
🙂
Glad you’re okay. I had something once that sounds a bit similar. Unbeknownst to me I had broken my back in four places. Before finally getting help I spent a whole weekend including Friday in my bed at home. During that time I hallucinated the entire history of a fictitious country. Geography, various clans with long backstories, invasions, economic problems, the works. It was weirdly wonderful.
Hope you continue to get better.
Thank you for sharing. Very thorough and well written description. Obviously, the illness can take many forms. Your adventures, so feverish and dreamlike. Are numbers a part of your normal life? I wish you and your family well.
Viral induced dmt production! That’s a new one for me. Fascinating account, glad you recovered ok.
Fascinating! Thanks for posting.
Vivid and fascinating! Thanks for sharing.
Fascinating, reminds me of when I had really bad flu in my 20’s. Same inability to move, and for three days I drifted in and out of consciousness. I remember the blankets around my neck became a coral reef, and multicoloured fishes were swimming around it. In the background my mother shouting at me to get up and go to work.
Glad to hear you got through it ok.
Your brain goes numb.
That’s why they call them numbers...
Thanks for posting. Was there a test to confirm that it was COVID-19 and not another illness?
You’ve basically experienced a transition between the biological and the digital. Like dementia in reverse.
Fortunately it still seems physically impossible to just exist in the digital realm for a conscious being but who knows for how long and even if still.
Thanks.
Shit. That happened to me at the end of January. I was sick as hell for a couple of days. Dizzy... i didnt even eat the whole day cause I threw everything out. I didnt know what was that but deep inside i knew it has to be a virus I didnt know before.
I came out finally... and then on 2 weeks it was the news all around the world about the C19.
I probably had it and didnt have a clue. Who knows...
But yeah... 2 days thinking mathematical stuff and like organizing numbers on my head ALL DAY ALL NIGHT.... very strange... I thought I was gonna go crazy.
great writing! you captured fever dream delusions very well. I have been there for sure via a strep blood infection.
Fascinating account!