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Off Topic : Trigger warning - depression, suicide
Hey all, lost a friend recently to suicide. His passing has impacted me and my immediate friend group greatly. Just posting this to let all of you know, even if we don't really know each other, that you matter, and that I care about all of you.
If anybody ever needs anything, feel free to message me.
We are in dark times throughout the world, but I truly believe some light and good will come to us all around the corner. Thankful for this community that has been a large part of keeping me sane through the past year or so.
Comments
@shinyisshiny I am very sorry to hear. I pray he is able to rest now.
Thankful for everyone here and this space as well.
That’s heavy. I’m really sorry for your loss. Hope you and your friend group are doing alright.
Sorry for your loss...
To everyone... you are not alone. We have an awesome community here. Feel free to talk...
Even though we are scattered all around the globe, here we are really close.
Sorry for your loss. I have been around that with friends and its numbing. My daughter is struggling bad.... prayers for all.
Here for you @shinyisshiny or anyone else need that needs to chat. I’ll do what I can to help
So sorry @shinyisshiny. Glad you are here.
Thank you for sharing that @shinyisshiny . Take care of yourself. Stay creative. Peace and thoughts ✌️
Ah, man, that is terrible, hope it does not go too hard on you, but it is also important to grieve. Hope you all get through it without too much pain.
thanks guys for the support and positivity. means a lot
You might find some relief in trying to understand why he did that and why he might have found it to be the better option. To do that helped me a lot last year.
@onerez hope and prayers for your daughter, mate.
@rs2000 it saddens me you had to go through that too, brother. A friend and ex-coworker lost her daughter this way, and although the sadness never goes away, she was pretty strong dealing with it, and from what we've talked, she managed it through this understanding.
I don’t know the exact reason for your friend’s passing but this is the hidden issue that this pandemic has severely accentuated. Anyone can fall here. I am generally resilient but can see the fact that being on pause with work and my social music scene not being as active has a massive effect on my psyche. Just this, which for many is a framework to their day, is enough to tip people over the edge, especially if there is no financial and psychological family and government support available.
Sorry for your loss mate.
Very sad news, I hope you are managing ok in this difficult time. Thanks for sharing.
Mental health is for everyone worsening and people are more vulnerable than ever, particularly independent creatives, who lack support and are more susceptible to depression than most. I can identify with this myself as part of this group.
I thought it would be good to share some contact details of places shared with me including some aimed at arts and music folk.
There is help out there but I know how difficult it can be to actually seek it.
These are all UK based But some may be able to point out other international options.
Help Musicians UK is an independent UK charity for professional musicians of all genres. They help at times of crisis with financial support and by providing information about appropriate health care practitioners. They can be reached on 0207 239 9101 or [email protected]. Their advice page is here.
https://www.helpmusicians.org.uk/health-welfare/help-in-a-crisis
Step Change provide free expert debt advice. Their number is 0800 138 1111 (8am-8pm, Monday-Friday, 8am-4pm, Saturday) or you can contact Business Debtline (England, Wales and Scotland) or Advice NI (Northern Ireland) for free and impartial advice service if you are self-employed.
https://www.stepchange.org/debt-info/emergency-funding.aspx
Housing
Citizens Advice gives free, confidential information and advice to assist people with money, legal, consumer and other problems. You can call the Adviceline in England on 0800 144 8848 (9am-5pm, Monday-Friday). You can call the Adviceline in Wales on 0800 702 2020 (9am-5pm, Monday-Friday). If you can’t hear or speak on the phone, you can also contact them using Relay UK.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/contact-us/contact-us/
Shelter provide guidance and resources for those struggling with bad housing or homelessness through advice, support and legal services. If you are in urgent need of housing advice, you can speak to an expert housing adviser on 0808 800 4444 (8am-8pm on weekdays, 9am-5pm on weekends). Their website has a search function which connects with local emergency homelessness services in England and Scotland.
https://england.shelter.org.uk/get_help
Crisis is the UK national charity for homeless people. The charity offers year-round education, employment, housing and well-being services. You can call them on 0300 636 1967.
https://www.crisis.org.uk/get-help/services/how-crisis-can-help-you/
Mental Health
Mind the national mental health charity, provides advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem. Their website contains information and guidance, and their telephone helpline is available on 0300 123 3393.
https://www.mind.org.uk/need-urgent-help/using-this-tool
NHS Talking Therapies provides advice on how to access psychological therapies services. You can seek a referral from a GP, or refer yourself. NHS Every Mind Matters also includes practical wellbeing advice.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/free-therapy-or-counselling/?gclid=CjwKCAiAnvj9BRA4EiwAuUMDfz1yxT0HjJZRz1Wq4uYh_N1UGg1VCzkb1BD-loZfgDN4X_vw_9DcaBoCsA0QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
https://www.nhs.uk/oneyou/every-mind-matters/
Inc Arts Minds - Inc Arts has partnered with Chanua Health to provide FREE group therapy led by qualified counsellors for people who have experienced racism to share their experiences and heal. If you work in any capacity in the arts, museums and libraries in the UK you can sign up on the website for free counselling support to help you in these challenging times.
https://incarts.uk/inc-arts-minds
Samaritans are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, to listen to anything that is upsetting you, including intrusive thoughts and difficult thoughts of suicide and self-harm. Their national freephone number is 116 123, or you can email [email protected]. Samaritans also offer a Welsh Language Line on 0300 123 3011 (from 7pm–11pm only).
http://www.samaritans.org/
BAPAM is the British Association for Performing Arts Medicine. It connects performing artists and musicians with free specialist health support. To book a free appointment you can call 020 7404 8444 (9am-5pm, Monday-Friday).
https://www.bapam.org.uk/
CALM - If you're a man experiencing distressing thoughts and feelings, the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is there to support you. They're open from 5pm–midnight, 365 days a year. Their national number is 0800 58 58 58, and they also have a webchat service if you're not comfortable talking on the phone.
https://www.thecalmzone.net/
C.A.L.L. - If you live in Wales, you can contact the Community Advice and Listening Line (C.A.L.L.) for a confidential listening and support service. Their number is 0800 123 737 or you can text 'help' to 81066.
http://www.callhelpline.org.uk/
Switchboard, the LGBT+ helpline. If you identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, Switchboard is available from 10am–11pm, 365 days a year, to listen to any problems you're having. Phone operators all identify as LGBT+. Their national number is 0300 330 0630, or you can email [email protected].
https://switchboard.lgbt/
Rehab4Addiction was founded to assist those affected by substance misuse and their loved ones. They offer a range of services and help signpost you to the most effective treatments. Their helpline advisors are available on 0800 140 4690.
https://www.rehab4addiction.co.uk/addiction-treatment/addiction-counselling
HMRC has a Covid-19 helpline for self-employed people and businesses, which is 0300 456 3565 (8am-4pm, Monday-Friday).
https://www.gov.uk/guidance/coronavirus-covid-19-what-to-do-if-youre-self-employed-and-getting-less-work-or-no-work
Best wishes to you.
It’s definitely a time for everyone to be talking about their feelings.
Sometimes people don’t because they may think they are burdening others - but this in such an unfortunate mistake to make. It simply isn’t true - it’s just unsubstantiated negative thinking - which can be a symptom of anxiety and depression.
It is not a weakness - it’s a strength.
You don’t think of others who talk openly about their problems as being a lesser person do you? - in fact you probably admire them for it. Well the same applies to you.. and everybody.
So sorry to hear that - it’s terrible to be part of a group of friends when one is lost like this.
It happened to me when I was 16, and I think what really helped was for all of his friends to be able to talk about it. I know we’re all separated more than usual right now, but make sure you’re all there for each other and make the time to talk.
Very good points @robosardine and reminds me of Bene Brown's work. Admitting vulnerability can be a real key to accepting yourself and being loved and appreciated by others.
My many sympathies to you @shinyisshiny.
When I was younger I had a girlfriend who struggled with A LOT of issues (number one reason I loathe abusers of any sort). She coped for many years, even after we broke up (I was getting lost myself trying to help her) until she couldn’t.
This brings to mind several points:
Peace and love to you all.
So sorry for your loss, mate, that’s very sad. I’ve had two family bereavements this year through illness and one suicide of a friend last month which was absolutely inexplicable and shocking, so I know the distress and anguish you’re facing right now. This year has certainly taken its toll on all of us in various ways, and it’s a lucky thing to be part of this wonderful community, supportive in so many different ways when we need. Lovely people here. Thanks for sharing the personal load here, mate, it’s always a good place to seek some refuge and comfort amongst friends. My thoughts are with you. 🙏
@shinyisshiny Im so sorry to hear of your loss. Although I’m not here as much as I once was, I can testify to the care, concern, and community that was offered to me when I was battling similar demons. There are good people here. Thanks to all. I wish peace for you.
It's a tragedy @shinyisshiny and I'm sorry to hear it. You're hurting together, so I hope your group of friends can pull together and heal together, too. Hold each other up and simply be there. You've all been surprised in the worst way and I'm sorry for your loss.
It's a sad truth, but many people think about self-harming a lot of the time. It's pretty common. A bad seed, and without witnesses most of the time. Taboo has power, and people say awful shit to themselves inside of their heads.
If anybody's having a problem: please take stock of your situation, gather your courage and seek some help. You can get out of there, but you probably have to do something. Don't lose hope. Just do a small thing. Wiggle your big toe. Samaritans would be a good first port of call.
Your list is amazing @Carnbot
There's a lot of heartbreak going around, and support networks and coping strategies have been hobbled, so please everybody, be kind.
Great post.
So sorry to read this. I know this pain of loss from suicide very well. We lost our oldest son last year.
If anyone has thoughts of self harm, or has made a plan, there are so many people that care about you that you can talk to. Also want to add the US suicide hotline number: (800) 273-8255.
Thanks for sharing your story and for starting this thread @shinyisshiny. I wish you serenity and strength as you grieve. I’ve lost two loved ones to suicide. It breaks my heart to think about the hopelessness and desperation folks must feel who choose that path.
It’s great to see all the warm, thoughtful responses. This is a good place.
I think anyone who has lost loved ones and friends to suicide will always be willing to share any wisdom we have gained, and know the value of talking and listening.
It’s never easy to find the right words, but saying anything at all is better than just staying silent.
I have no eloquent words but just wanted to say “my best regards” with hopes that it doesn’t sound too trite. Once you peel away stigma of all of this you realize how much suffering there is out there. Also, what a kind a caring place this is.
@shinyisshiny So sorry for your loss to you and to your friends. I pray that you and your friends are watched over during these times. May this moment bring you all closer to better understand your needs as a family of brothers and sisters. 🙏🏼✝️💕
We’re here for you 🙏🏼
So sorry for your loss
Have lost too many friends over the years myself and this time of year is a difficult time for many, this year being even more difficult than usual for many.
These type of posts and discussions always remind me how important it is to check in with friends