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Hi everyone,
Just finished this one with my virtual (duo) band “Sky Lanterns”. I take care of lyrics, melody and singing and some mixing. My super talented Swedish pal Johan takes care of everything else. This is our fourth track together and all feedback is welcome. Thanks!
@richardyot - I really the breathy character of the synth at the beginning - quite eerie! The rhythm section is very good and up to your usual high standard
I would say the bass guitar should be a little louder... it was when the chorus came the sound seemed to change that made me notice this. In the verses the depth of the vocal makes a nice warm cosy blanket - but when the vocal goes higher up in it's range at the chorus I felt the lack of low frequencies.
I really like the subtle "oohs" that appear just before the chorus around 2.40- they really add to it. I like the playout solo and my money is on a synth like Geoshred rather than an actual guitar.
@LostBoy85 - really nicely produced track. Both you and your Swedish pal are super talented
Really good vocal performance - nice harmonies - catchy song. The rhythm track is top notch as well.. Really good drums, bass and rhythm guitar.. and the guitar solo is super hot too.. an all round professional sound. I haven't really got anything to pick holes in other than I'm not a big fan of police sirens in music - they can be most off-putting when driving!!
@OP, thank you very much for giving us this opportunity! Full disclosure, none of this song was done on iOS, and I apologize for that part, mainly I just wanted to share a few options that not everyone may be aware of, everything in this song played either on a midi keyboard, or for all of the percussion, Maschine MK3;
Thank you very much for listening, and I will listen to what others have posted (although I may not get to everyone), and most tracks I will repost on my SoundCloud account, so if you see this post, and would prefer I didn’t repost your work, please let me know, because I don’t want to accidentally post someone else’s music against their wishes. Most of all, thank you to everyone who has posted their work as well, I learn a lot from listening to others ‘ work.
Hi all, thanks for the comments on our song, I forgot how much I enjoyed being part of this community. Here are my comments for the tracks posted so far;
@DrRinkel For a short track you still manage to build an atmosphere. I liked the intro with the piano, pads and glitchy rhythms. Not so fond of the synth sound you used for the melody. It felt a little harsh/industrial against the softer accompaniment.
@Marcel great song. I could feel the emotion despite not understanding what you were singing. I’m think the quality of the recording of the vocal gives it a gritty realism. A couple of gripes, the drums seem a little one paced and the introduction before the vocals kick in needs something, maybe some of the piano you use later in track.
@richardyot good song, your playing and the production is spot on. Loved the way the introduction built starting with guitar and than the synths coming in. Also liked the sound you chose for the lead break outro. My only criticism would be the vocals in the verses. Not sure whether this one was just a little bit low for your register but to me they sounded a little off. The vocals in the chorus are fine.
@LostBoy85 very professional sounding song with some great playing from your mate and fantastic vocals as usual from you. Couldn’t find anything to criticise really and you have really set a high bar for the rest of us.
Thanks for the listens everyone. And yes I think you all guessed correctly that the outro solo isn't really guitar (I've got a bit too lazy to record actual guitar solos, because it usually takes me about 15 attempts to play all the right notes in time). I used the Roli Noise app, one of the guitars from the "Stadium Rock" pack, "Prayer Lead" I think it's called. 🤘 🎸
This one is quite rocky
I like the newfound grit in your voice, really good rock vocal delivery, would make Bryan Adams proud. The track is very slick in its production and the performances are professional and muscular sounding.
The story is great and I'm really glad you put the lyrics on SoundCloud as following along really gives a nice extra dimension to the song. It's great to see this kind of narrative songwriting. Great (bank) job.
There's some good performances in there and the main riff is pretty cool, and I also love the experimental/noisy bits but the track is waaayyyy too long at over 13 minutes, especially as there's no vocals. I think it would be a lot better if it was cut down to 3 or 4 minutes with a tighter arrangement that retains the contrast between the structured riffs and the more out-there weird and noisy sections.
Here's my May submission.
This track took a lot of effort to develop from "cool jam vibe" to finished piece. I spent a LONG time trying to figure out the arrangement... and then a long time trying to think of some words... then I decided to use some spoken word clips from Dr Jordan Peterson from his April 2019 Q&A video. I spent a long time messing with these in the Simpler in Ableton live. And finally I wrote a chorus to go with JBPs message.
I think it was entirely done in Ableton on my mac. I used Guitar MIDI 2 to play in some of the chordal synth melody parts as MIDI. I made a very quick video for it in Lumafusion.
On some speakers the 808 kick drum is a bit boomy - on others fine.. what do you think?
@DrRinkel Wow! Short and sweet; that is an awesome track. I really want to hear more of it, but at the same time, it's perfect as it is! Feedback wise, you could try making some of the bass notes sustained to introduce more contrast to the parts where the bass really benefits from that punchy short sound. I don't know if this would improve it or not.
@Marcel I love the instrumentation and arrangement in the song. The subtle pads underneath really are a nice touch, and the electric piano tones are beautiful. I like the processing on your vocals and think it gives the song a nice vibe. I almost want to hear the slightest bit of noise/distortion on something else in the song to tie it together with the vocals, but it wouldn't be necessary. Nice tune!
@richardyot Lovely atmosphere right from the beginning. I feel like the reverb may be a little heavy on the vocals during the verses (it sounds great in the chorus though), and the vocals are a little drifty pitch-wise at a couple parts (this could be a stylistic choice?). Overall, great melody, nice guitar tone (digging the chorus), and the drums were really tasteful.
@orchardman That is a catchy chorus, and I love that rock and roll backbeat. The brass sound is killer, and the song is solid from start to finish. Nice work!
@LostBoy85 Favorite part: that refrain in the chorus. Rock solid song dynamics, stellar guitar work. Great harmonies on the second verse. Reminds me of some early Goo Goo Dolls stuff. One of my pet peeves is police sirens or siren sound effects in songs, I often listen to music while driving, and it gets me every time. I'll give you a pass since I was listening to this at my desk.
@Ripper7620 The main riff is pretty awesome. I agree with Richard on the song length. I like it when songs "tell a story" with the music by building up the dynamics to something, dropping out, providing a bit of a 2nd act twist towards the end (typically a bridge or breakdown of some sort). You have enough variation in the song to keep it interesting, but I feel like the overall song would benefit from a tighter song structure. TBH, I couldn't make it all the way through.
My entry for the month. Imagined in AUM, constructed in Cubasis 2. I loved using Patterning 2 on this, and my lesson learned this time around was that I should use the separate audio outs that Patterning 2 has so I can have more granular control over individual drum tracks when it comes to putting the mix together. I hope you enjoy!
@PFAUX - beautiful introduction and ethereal synths that really draw you into the piece - followed by a simple but very nice sounding groove! Interesting sonic change with the slightly gnarly sound coming in around 1.38.
Perhaps the bass could be a tiny bit louder in the mix as the drums come in to their full pattern - but it's always so difficult to judge it with these really low sub bass sounds isn't it? On some speakers they boom like crazy and on others they are non existent. The synth that comes in around 3.40 is a nice addition - as is the drops in the arrangement that come shortly after.
I liked it
@Marcel great mellow and relaxing song, the total opposite of what I do, but getting away from my little world and listening to music that’s different from my own is a great learning opportunity, thank you for your submission.
@orchardman Great funky little number, I enjoyed it all the way through, very classy work, was the total package.
@richardyot Great contemporary work, I enjoyed it all the way through, thank you.
@LostBoy85 Thank you for sharing your work, very well done, it holds up and kept my interest all the way through. The dynamics were what made it so interesting to listen to.
Thank you very much for your honest feedback, I believe that’s what we all really desire, and ultimately need. All of wy works are quite long. I have the habit of just going for it, and then failing to go back and make cuts and polish my work.
Thank you very much for honest review, and your advice will not go by the wayside. I have much to learn.
@DrRinkel - an interesting and quirky blend of sounds that is very pleasing to the ear. I think keeping it short is probably a good idea though I could have listened to more of it
I really liked the very distant / frequency restricted piano sound against the bright synths - gave a nice sense of space.
@Ripper7620 - there is some great playing on the main guitar style heavy riff track - and some interesting background synth noises. I did struggle to listen all the way through.. I think I got to about 6 mins and then skipped every now and then to see if things had changed much. There was some really nice more intricate lines later on - that would have been nice to put earlier on in the piece.
Ripper - no offence, but to me it reminds me more of a "jam" than a finished composition. Like when I was in my first band we used to get an idea for a riff and then we'd jam it out for like an hour straight - making stuff up along the way. We'd record the jam sessions on a cassette player and then later in the evening we'd listen back to the tape over a few beers and pick out the best and most interesting bits. Then we'd condense the highlights into a 4 minute piece.
I've just spent many hours the last week or so trying to fine tune the arrangement for my latest track submission. I had probably spent too long jamming out ideas and it was really hard to cram them into the piece and keep it short and sweet.
Hi Leo, old friend, thanks for your kind words about my track. Your track is really VERY good! It is great! Love it! Everything about it. It is so richly detailed, it is a filmscript ready short novel. Everything fits.
Don’t know where to start with the list of things I like about it.......ok I start....: your voice; the way of singing; the story; the lyrics; the effects on your voice: the echo’s here and there, you (and/or your partner in crime
) master this very well; the melodies; the arrangements; the siren; all the details, and there are a lot; the song sounds great, very pro; the mix; the mastering; the guitar; the composition; the flow; the vibe; the slowing down; the speeding up; the hard panning of guitar parts; etc, etc, etc. I chop it up in things I like about it, but it is the experience of the whole song that is greater than the sum of its parts.
Only thing I don’t really understand is ‘alibi’.....what alibi? She’s in the getaway car, I wouldn’t call that an alibi. But you don’t have to explain, a writer doesn’t have to explain his lyrics is my point of view. Must be me missing something.........(edit: after listening to it again now....perhaps it is part of the wishful thinking about how ‘everything is gonna be alright’ : there is an alibi..........Perhaps this explains it. Not sure. Or, something like: she’ll come up with some alibi that will make everything good again.....desperately wishing that...., perhaps my most plausible guess.....I will stop thinking aloud about it now. Again: I am not fishing, not asking you to elaborate/explain).
But apart from this shortcoming in my lyrical insights, I do love the lyrics, you have the ability to really feel/be the main character, come up with words from his perspective, and sing them with conviction. Talented!
Thanks for adding the lyrics, and for mentioning the bankrobbery in the introductory words on SoundCloud, made it much easier for me to understand it. Great artwork.
@ricksteruk - For me the spoken words weren’t necessary. Too many of them. Makes me think too much. Distracts me from the great sounding rest. And the rest really sounds great to my ears! The instrumentation, the arrangement, the depth in the sound, I really like it, not lastly your singing: really great! Its a great song, i would drop the spoken word, but thats me, if you like it that’s the only thing of importance.
Perhaps some synth solo would work (instead of the spoken words). Or: some synth solo and/or only a few of his words, (repetitive) parts of sentences for example, just brainstorming about it.
I didn’t hear a boomy kick. I listened to it on my Beyerdynamic DT 880 Premium 250 ohm headphones. Everything sounded great on it.
Thanks for the great feedback Marcel. You are right - there sure are a lot of words! I did probably go a bit too far there. It was my first ever attempt at chopping up audio and using a sampler - though I suppose I could have just chopped it up in the timeline to get the same result.
I’ll probably also make a version with no spoken word. It was a good exercise though and I really like it as is - and if it wasn’t for the spoken word I would have never written the lyrics for the chorus. It’s all a process isn’t it! Saying “it’s finished” can be hard sometimes.
Yeahh, indeed, totally agree
Some more comments from me;
@Ripper7620 as a 50 something ageing rocker I’m probably not your target audience and as such I sometimes find it difficult to give constructive feedback. That said the overall production is good and the opening riff is great. I struggled with the noise passages ( I think it’s an age thing but i need a bit of melody) and as others have said it’s way too long. Ultimately though, its all about the music you want to make and if you are happy than I say go for it.
@risteruk again not the sort of music I would normally listen too but I thought this was great. Really good production with some interesting 80s sounding synths. Loved the sampled lecture which carried a thought provoking message. I thought the chorus pulled the whole thing together. Up there as one of the songs of the month as far as I am concerned.
@PFAUX very pretty piece with some interesting textures and nicely produced. Good job.
Very good
I really enjoyed listening to this, and a totally different vibe to the track you submitted last month.
The kick isn't boomy on my floorstanding speakers, which are unforgiving of badly mixed low-end, so I think it's mixed right.
The musical elements are well composed and produced, the vocal melody in the chorus is very good and really makes the song. The spoken word works, although I can imagine it wearing thin on repeated listens, and the message is good (and one that anyone who tries to stretch themselves with music or any other creative endeavour can relate to).
I went on a bit of a Jordan Peterson binge last year, watched a lot of his lectures. I'm kind of done with him now
but he is an interesting guy with lots of disparate ideas. Much of it has to be taken with a pinch of salt IMO (especially the Jungian stuff, which is very speculative, but then so was the original work from Jung himself) but even the stuff I was sceptical of was worth engaging with just because it made me think.
Anyway, it's very good track, great job.
Some nice textures here, and the rhythm track has a really interesting progression over time, I especially like the percussive sounds behind the kick and snare. It's very rhythmic and textural, and there are some nice sound choices.
I would have liked to hear some more melodic and harmonic variation though, especially since it's quite a long track running at over 5 minutes, it feels as if it's mainly one musical idea stretched over that time, whereas some changes (new chords, new melodies) would have breathed more life into the track IMO.
It's a nice chilled out and textural track. The rhythmic elements were what made it for me.
Thanks for your feedback @orchardman - I definitely love those 80s synth sounds
(as well as my guitars and stuff - but that is for another day). I'm really happy with the chorus - both the actual performance and the words. I had the melody for it in my head for weeks - but was just going "la lala laa" - I only came up with the words at the last minute after adding the spoken word.
Thank you for the feedback @richardyot Yep different style to last month (which was the new project with my wife) - it's back to the 80s electro pop influenced style like the track I submitted in March. It's good to know the bass frequencies are working out ok on everyone's systems so far.
I've listened to a lot of Jordan's lectures too - last year I managed to get through the entirety of the full uni course lecture videos of Maps of Meaning and Personality. Like everyone he goes a little bit off point on some occasions - but I find these are fairly rare - and I forgive him
We are all human.
Hi,
A long time lurker, first time poster here. Just getting back into making music again. Seems like a really helpful and open group here and this song of the month thread is a great motivator to get tracks finished. I’m really enjoying listening to other people’s tracks and will post some thoughts soon. Here’s a track I made last year with Auria Pro, using fab filter Saturn for the guitar. I was happy enough with it at the time but now I think it might be “boxy” sounding, perhaps too much reverb?
And here are some thoughts on other people’s tracks. I tried to say something constructive for all of them because I guess that’s why we are here. Any “critical” points are purely based on my own lack of knowledge.
@DrRinkel
I like the laid back feel, the piano sound and feeling of space it has. It’s not really my genre, so I’m talking out of my ***, but I would have the kick more on the offbeat.
@Marcel
There is a lot of feeling and atmosphere in the vocals - it has a Leonard Coheny vibe which I like a lot. I feel the intro could use a something more (I’m not sure what).
@orchardman
Love the overall vibe, the guitar tone, the trumpets (?). The vocals were great but I felt they could be (slightly) lower in the mix or perhaps a little warmer (boosting the high-end a little?)
@richardyot
Enjoyed it a lot and I love the breathy synth sound. Perhaps it could be brought back at the beginning of the second verse?
@LostBoy85
Great production and great vocals! Perhaps the lead guitar could be brought up a little more, though I’m listening to it on fairly basic headphones so perhaps it’s that. The drums sound great - what app did you use?
@Ripper7620
I like the daring mix of genres and the energy in it. Seems like you have a lot of good ideas which perhaps needs some structure (but then again, not everything has to bow to the 3 minute verse-chorus structure .)
@ricksteruk
Great production overall and. I like the bass sound (something I struggle with a lot). Maybe the vocals on the verse could be brought up a little.
@PFAUX
Nice atmosphere and I especially like when the bass synth kicks in around the 1:30 mark. Maybe the snare could be a bit darker and punchy for that part but that’s really my own preference.
I hope that I got to everyone and that my “criticism” has been constructive.
Good track, the guitar riff is particularly good, as are the drums, and the two mesh really well to create a very tight ensemble.
The spoken word is also quite fun, and gives the track a pretty surreal vibe (along with the sample at the beginning).