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Just my thoughts today

I’m just summarising a few thoughts today considering a few threads I’ve read:

  1. Remember words do not mean the same in all areas and in all age groups. I can say something that may offend some, but unintentionally due to how language changes over time. Intention is important. This leads me to:

  2. Don’t jump to conclusions. Try to see the good in people. Try not to jump to the conclusion of someone is acting in bad faith. Give the benefit of the doubt. A person may be acting poorly or are just poor at communicating or they may have poor command of the language used here.

  3. No comment is better than poking fun or thinking your witty put down is of any use what so ever. Yes, we all feel better if we swipe back at those that swipe at us or those we like, but it really does not help and just makes us become that which we do not like.

  4. Don’t stay online too long. The more you do, the more you will find people that annoy and the more likely you will let yourself down and become part of the drama. Politely express opinion without being personal, then ignore anything bar polite discussion.

  5. Be helpful and appreciate the help you receive. We all know something someone else does not know or is struggling with. We all need help at times. Remember some people may be struggling to understand something, but that does not make them stupid, so don’t treat them that way.

This is how I try to act online. I sometimes fail. I forgive myself when I do and promise to work harder at being a caring and understanding individual. I judge myself harsher than I judge others as I have definitely wasted some of the opportunities life has given me. When in pain though, I try to remember how many in life have it way worse than myself. I’m not preaching, I’m not perfect or an angel - I have done some bad things in my life. Just wanted to share my thoughts for the day. I wish you all well in your musical endeavours.

Comments

  • @Fruitbat1919 said:
    I’m just summarising a few thoughts today considering a few threads I’ve read:

    1. Remember words do not mean the same in all areas and in all age groups. I can say something that may offend some, but unintentionally due to how language changes over time. Intention is important. This leads me to:

    2. Don’t jump to conclusions. Try to see the good in people. Try not to jump to the conclusion of someone is acting in bad faith. Give the benefit of the doubt. A person may be acting poorly or are just poor at communicating or they may have poor command of the language used here.

    3. No comment is better than poking fun or thinking your witty put down is of any use what so ever. Yes, we all feel better if we swipe back at those that swipe at us or those we like, but it really does not help and just makes us become that which we do not like.

    4. Don’t stay online too long. The more you do, the more you will find people that annoy and the more likely you will let yourself down and become part of the drama. Politely express opinion without being personal, then ignore anything bar polite discussion.

    5. Be helpful and appreciate the help you receive. We all know something someone else does not know or is struggling with. We all need help at times. Remember some people may be struggling to understand something, but that does not make them stupid, so don’t treat them that way.

    This is how I try to act online. I sometimes fail. I forgive myself when I do and promise to work harder at being a caring and understanding individual. I judge myself harsher than I judge others as I have definitely wasted some of the opportunities life has given me. When in pain though, I try to remember how many in life have it way worse than myself. I’m not preaching, I’m not perfect or an angel - I have done some bad things in my life. Just wanted to share my thoughts for the day. I wish you all well in your musical endeavours.

    Great advice.

    Indeed, cutting down on time spent online or on forums / social media really helps, in my experience.

    Writing something out but then deciding it's better not to post it and just deleting it, is something I find myself doing more and more.

    Hasty replies are often regrettable replies. Reading posts with more care, taking time out before replying to anything triggering, is never a bad idea.

    Pick your battles. Despite best intentions, there are just some you can't win, and your efforts to do so will often be counterproductive.

    It's OK to disagree with someone, or with a situation, without always needing to express it.

    People are going through major amounts of digital fatigue and life fatigue these days. More time away from screens, more real life interaction, is the main solution to that. Not trying to 'fix' the internet. Like almost every chronic issue, the key is to break the vicious circles that seem to always be the major factor in complex problems.

  • @Gavinski said:
    Great advice.

    Indeed, cutting down on time spent online or on forums / social media really helps, in my experience.

    Writing something out but then deciding it's better not to post it and just deleting it, is something I find myself doing more and more.

    Hasty replies are often regrettable replies. Reading posts with more care, taking time out before replying to anything triggering, is never a bad idea.

    Pick your battles. Despite best intentions, there are just some you can't win, and your efforts to do so will often be counterproductive.

    It's OK to disagree with someone, or with a situation, without always needing to express it.

    People are going through major amounts of digital fatigue and life fatigue these days. More time away from screens, more real life interaction, is the main solution to that. Not trying to 'fix' the internet. Like almost every chronic issue, the key is to break the vicious circles that seem to always be the major factor in complex problems.

    All wise ways :)

  • Well said, both of you...

  • 👍🏻🍻👍🏻

  • wimwim
    edited January 30

    Great posts! Thanks @Fruitbat1919 and @Gavinski.

    I would add a suggestion for some that are like me: "Ignore early and Ignore often"

    Not as an aggressive act, but as a deterrent to one's own tendency to react in unhelpful ways. It's just easier and far more pleasant to not have to fight down the urge to respond to people that set me off. And resist the urge to tell anyone you're doing so. That only feeds the outrage or victimhood of the person being ignored.

    People with better discipline don't need the ignore list, but I'm going to be using it more and sooner going forward.

  • @wim said:
    Great posts! Thanks @Fruitbat1919 and @Gavinski.

    I would add a suggestion for some that are like me: "Ignore early and Ignore often"

    As a deterrent to one's own tendency to react in unhelpful ways. It's just easier and far more pleasant to not have to fight down the urge to respond to people that set me off. And resist the urge to tell anyone you're doing so. That only feeds the outrage or victimhood of the person being ignored.

    People with better discipline don't need the ignore list, but I think I'm going to be using it more and sooner going forward.

    Ha, yes that ignore early and often is great advice. Not necessarily using the actual ignore button, just in terms of deciding early not to engage.

    A toxic dialogue running in the background of your day is too annoying, At least in real life an argument usually happens quickly and is done with quickly, as opposed to those long, drawn-out forum dramas where a few exchanges can play out over days.

    I mostly just don't bother from the get go now if I calculate that the conversation is going to be unpleasant and is go that way, unless it's a really genuinely important issue to me.

    Your patience is incredible though Wim. You also manage to come across as very rational without seeming robotic, not something that everyone can pull off. Kudos!

  • wimwim
    edited January 30

    Thanks @Gavinski - I try to remain helpful and patient, but I have a lurking sarcastic side that gets the best of me too often. 😂

    I find for myself that the advantage of using the ignore list is also a clear reminder to myself that I've decided I shouldn't engage with certain people. You still often see what those people say when people quote them in their responses. So having them on the ignore list is a reminder to walk away.

    As a more positive example, I've had a member get pissed off because I suggested a workaround to something they were complaining about. I was trying to be helpful but they just wanted to vent and didn't want anything that weakened their point. So, as a reminder to myself not to do that again I put them on the ignore list. It can work both ways, for your benefit and for theirs.

    It's a crutch, but one that I feel helps me. If you have the self discipline not to need it that's far better.

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