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Balancing it all
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Experience keys playing, middle aged, wife and teenage kids with sports schedules, full time job, but still can't let music go.
How to balance it all? Grab a couple hours a week to make music? Give it up until kids are grown?
Then there's the endgame...Not going to make it big, it ends up being just for me and a few family members (and forums where it's shared!). Is it enough? Do I need a big audience?
Any others out there like this? Advice?
Comments
Never finishing songs used to stress me out. Until I started seeing the process of making music as a very productive form of entertainment. Rather than sitting on the couch playing games I'd be jamming with musical instruments and having fun, and at least have the feeling I'm developing a bit of a skill while doing something I enjoy. Even if nobody ever listens to it (or if it doesn't get recorded in the first place) it's never a waste of energy or time if it makes you feel better.
Indeed, do it for YOU.
@Jmcmillan In the modern globalised world you can become a well respected, beloved and widely appreciated artist inside your own niche in pretty much any walk of life. Some of the absolute best albums I've worked on as a session musician have been by people in your position.
Key from my observation is to find an ongoing workflow that no matter how slow, is consistent and incorporates clear end goals. Also helps unbelievably to find enthusiastic and passionate musical colleagues to bounce off, and find how they fit into your own personal goals (I believe that I've filled this role in a number of these projects, haha!).
I think you'll find most folks on this forum are in a similar position. I definitely am and my kids are fully grown (rather than driving kids to sports, now its the busy job that continues to intrude)
ios music production can be a partial solution to this situation. You can make music anywhere. Maybe more importantly, you can make music on the couch while chilling with the family. So you can still be somewhat engaged in the family while doing your thing.
Keep at it. We're all here because we love making music. You'll find a way to keep doing what you love. I've ended up in a similar place as @brambos - I enjoy the process. I complete about 1-2 tunes/year. If I only took satisfaction from completing songs, I'd be disillusioned.
I try and grab an hour every day. It does sometimes cause tension, but on the other hand I am also very careful on how I spend my time - I gave up watching any kind of sport, watching TV and use my meagre leisure time wisely.
Making (and listening to) music is a blessed release for me due to all the perceived life pressures quoted so I don't put any stress on myself to achieve anything other than to feel and enjoy.
Some days I love messing with the latest iOS tech and some days I can strum my electric guitars unplugged just to feel the vibrations. It's magical for me and I refuse to reduce it any further.
End Game? We all die. No more whatever you think bothers you right now and life moves on barely touched by your passing.
So listen to your heart, do what makes you feel good in your spare time and, if necessary, reprioritise your life to maximise this.
I say keep at it, however much you can. We are all looking for that perfect life balance. I went on a several year musical hiatus. I had just got married, was in the US Army getting ready to deploy, just got back from being deployed. I bought a cheap guitar overseas to keep my fingers loose but worked so much I didn't have much time. Once I got out of the Army, my wife popped out a couple of kids, new job, new life, still no time for music.
I got an iPad, and realized how much music could be made on it. That is what got be back into it making music. I was never a big recording guy. I just wrote acoustic instrumental stuff and jammed with buddies.
I guess I said all of that to say, keep it up. We all go through times when we don't play as much or whatever but do what you enjoy. Think about why you make music. Are you looking for that big crowd? If so, then you might need to rethink some things and go for it.
Are you happy just jamming in a basement or living room with the family? Then don't look at the couple of hours you get a week to make music as "I only get a couple of hours." Look at it like "I get a couple of hour a week to make music. Thats awesome."
If you have some stuff you want to share, make some youtube videos. Thats what I started doing and I enjoy that a lot. I almost enjoy showing how, just as much as making music.
Had a similar conversation over in the Ableton group recently.
I gave a one word answer there:
Bach
(Actually two: "Yet... Bach"
)
He had quite a lot of young'uns - 20 in total (although not all survived into even childhood - tougher times than we have now multi-fold; imagine burying 4 or 5 of your children... not uncommon
) - and he involved them in his music production and a number became musicians. Several went on as you know to become eminent composers in their own right.
Also - take a look at this info graphic on the lives of creative people. Interesting split among them as to how they managed their time. (Not all are composers on there by any means, but a few are).
https://podio.com/site/creative-routines
Here's some more info. on how Bach managed his day-to-day activities:
One that is more from the outside looking in from a more culturally historical perspective.
http://www.baroquemusic.org/biojsbach.html
One from the "inside" as it were, looking at Bach's personal life and motivation (the author of this one is a Juilliard graduate and current composer - both contemporary and classical. If you've been following the Orchestral Music on the iPad thread, you'll know I've mentioned Adler there as an author of one of the foremost books on orchestration in use and widely respected today; he studied with Adler among others). Thankful to have read that recently for a different perspective. I corresponded with the author and asked for his sources and have a couple of books on order from Amazon to dig in to as a result. Hopefully some reading that will further - additionally and externally if you will, by example of his apparent concern to do all things to the glory of God - motivate and inspire my own creativity as reading this did.
http://lowellhohstadt.com/ten-lessons-js-bach-taught-me/
I've been trying to switch off FB more too.
That seems to help 
I love that creative routines graphic....also reminds me of another ongoing discussion amongst a circle of friends I have who are all creative with something or other (some music, mostly not) as regards the relative importance of motivation and/or discipline....
I personally believe that discipline is crucial to any kind of artistic fulfilment. I was dilettante for the longest time, even though I was working as a professional illustrator I didn't push myself, did just enough to get by. In my mid-thirties I realised that all the artists I looked up to worked their arses off and pushed themselves well beyond their comfort zones. I finally started doing the same and my work improved beyond all recognition. YMMV of course, but for me there is no substitute to getting down to work.
Of course not everyone has the same motivations, so there is a world of difference between chilling out with a guitar and trying to create something meaningful.
I don't think anyone can balance it all. I know artists, writers, composers, programmers, stay at home moms/dads, mechanics, CEOs, trust fund kids etc etc and I never met anyone who could. People who live in cities, 'close to it all', work/clubs etc. People in the subburbs who work at home, kids close to schools. A guy in the bush on his own private plot of land who works ten hours a week via seemingly impossible magic cellular broadband or some shit while frolicking with wilderness critters. People who are loaded from old family money and travel the world, run art groups etc. A guy who just lives in his van and surfs most the years away, (who acts like a guru but is running from the guilt of screwing his kids up from neglect).
In the end life is too short to fit in everything we want or discover everything we want. The human critter is an egomaniacal delusional God wannabe who on some level always gets the painful cosmic joke of perspective/mortality and freaks out about it in it's own special adorable way.
Start a huge conglomerate, employ a hundred thousand people. Transform the world by putting a magic genie/oracle/computer in the pocket of every other person on the planet... still die a miserable fuck.
He he...I actually started that thread!
Grab the couple of hours. My dad used to sit down and play the organ every weekend. And a few times a year he'd pull out his accordion (yes, he actually did play Lady of Spain).
Yeah seems i am not alone to struggle between creative/work/life/balance
With 2kids a house with a nice garden, my musicstudio in the cellar and lots of other things which make a lots of fun like sports, games, film&photography incl. Drones for years know....and last but not least friends :-)
I try to cut my week in days of:
Kid time
Kid free time
Music time
Music free time
Sport time
Sport free time
Friends time
Friends free time
Family time
Family free time
just me, anywhere alone without anything, sit an breath...
20years ago i really try to combine my creativity to get money out of it, but after severall years of managing events, my own RecordLabel, work for ableton/propellerheads and other companys around the music film and game industry, my creativity flatter down, i reallize that and cut most of the "have too's"...
Then came my first kid and i jump into employee relationship,....
I cut my "creative" career for family...but it was okay for the time.
5-6years ago with iOS, my love for music was born again, and now, i dont wanna hurry me, i relaxe with it, i love to "play" around, do jams with friends, play alone for myself, sometimes i make a vid for those who like it and spread it, here and there.....
Thank you all here in the best forum in the www....
I know i am not alone.
Peace to the family
G
Obi
The overarching subject of this thread is the reason iOS audio production exists, IMHO. While I don't have kids, my wife and I both work out of town, and when we get back from work, we have other things to do. And, after doing the traditional home studio thing for 20 years, the last thing I want at this point in my life is to be holed-up in a home studio. The blessing of iOS is being able to be productive while out and about, and when at home relaxing on the patio, I want to be engaged in music production ...and I can with iOS. What time to be alive!
I just play for an audience of ONE!
Sometimes it's good to take a break for a time if you feel bored.
Ok, you might not going to be the next Rihanna. So what ? Me neither...
Then, I'm sure at some point you'll want to make some music again, maybe with a different instrument ? Then goes back to the IOS world ? Who knows...
The point of this, is just saying that's we're having fun around here, so...why not doing it, share it with friends, family, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone ?
Dang - you just described my life. I was really struggling with balance a year ago, but over the past year, it's started to come together in a way everyone in my household seems to be happy with. Here's what worked for me:
I made a goal of "releasing an album." This gave me something to work towards. I didn't attach a deadline. Just figured if I was going to "release an album", that would mean I'd have to finish out a bunch of songs, and they'd have to cohere somehow. And that would hopefully force me to start actually making music with all these cool apps I kept buying, instead of just noodling around and fretting about how I had no time to really learn them.
But it was true that I generally had little to no time for music on a given day. Or so I thought, until I really started to exploit (1) the portability of the iPad, and (2) the scraps of time that exist in the relative "down moments" of my busy days- warm-up times before the soccer game starts, routine practice drills that do not require my attention, slow-cooking outdoors where I don't need to fuss with the grill every few minutes, you get the idea.
But I guess the key was just being mellow about the whole approach. It's amazing what you can accomplish in, say, seven minutes, when you go into it knowing that (1) you're only gonna have a really short time for music, and (2) maybe you won't accomplish anything this time, but that's not a big deal cause it's only seven minutes and you'll grab another moment soon enough which may go better.
For me, the serial micro-sessions worked really well. And, every now and again, when I knew I'd need more time to really dig in to something, I'd just schedule it like I would anything else- "hey, if it's ok with you, when we get back from A's game on Sunday afternoon, I'm gonna work on music for an hour, and then I'll finish trimming the front beds."
Couple weeks ago, after about a year of this, I "released my album," which for me just meant posting it on soundcloud and bandcamp. And it wasn't just gathering up everything I had and dumping it- I ended up picking 10 songs from among about 25, thinking about the order, etc. I don't know if it's any good, and I don't care. If nobody ever listens to it except me, I don't care. I just know what I did to make it happen, it was enjoyable and it made me feel more human, and I managed to do it without driving everyone around me crazy or at the expense of my real responsibilities.
And so it goes. Already "released a single" since the album, and got a couple more songs in the hopper that may be my favorites yet.
So to you I would say do not give it up, and do not wait till the kids are grown. If you crave an audience, maybe you could define a different goal than I did, and go from there. But I say definitely go for it. The technology we have available to us is truly a marvel and a blessing. Use it!
@RulesOfBlazon
Great post. Couple of things:
1) I just know what I did to make it happen, it was enjoyable and it made me feel more human... You have officially just won the game of life. Well done.
2) ...and then I'll finish trimming the front beds... This has now been officially adopted as my stock phrase regarding work/life balance.
Could not agree more!
I get up an hour early every morning during the week, to play and practice for my music exams. I also play a fair bit in the evenings and on the weekends around the rest of the family. They got used to me doing it. Now my kids are grown, it's easier, and I spend more time in my music room. The two things that come to mind, echoed many times above: make the time, and be disciplined. But don't get stressed about it, as you don't want to suck out the job.
As to audience, yes, it's tough. But you can't let that eat you. I did that with my fiction writing, and got so angry I finally quit. I get disappointed when I don't get a lot of listens to a piece, but what the hell; I have to understand that the stuff I write might not really be that good, and it's not everyone's cup of tea.
In this case, what goes around seems to have come around
in a good way 
A viewpoint from the 'other side' - Steven Wilson (Porcupine Tree and more)
@Jmcmillan's OP pretty much sums up my life, and @RulesOfBlazon's post describes my daily routine. Clearly we are not alone.
I too use the method of "record any chance I get". My earbuds are always in my pocket. When I'm out running errands, I spend a few minutes sitting in the car in the parking lot recording. Just long enough to accomplish something. Maybe just get an idea down, maybe edit a particular note that was bugging me, or maybe just balance levels. Anything to make just a little progress. While driving to and from errands, or anywhere else, I listen to my music and plan my next recording session.
When I'm giving my little boy a bottle before bed, and he falls asleep in my arms, I put the earbuds in and record for a few minutes before putting him in his crib.
Getting new tires on my car recently was an exciting day for me. I got about an hour to just sit there in the waiting area and record! I also use @RulesOfBlazon's idea of recording while grilling! And I'd be lying if I said I've never recorded on the throne.
One fantastic opportunity for me is recording while walking on the treadmill. I walk at about 4mph which is a pretty good pace, but slow enough that I can hold my phone and record. Gives me a full, uninterrupted hour to record, plus I burn 600 calories. If I do this every night I get almost a full workday of uninterrupted recording time, plus it's great exercise. I highly recommend this "escape".
Basically I find any opportunity I can. For me, it borders on obsession to be honest. I could literally do nothing but eat, sleep, and make music. Unfortunately, sneaking a few minutes here and there will have to do.
As far as "making it"? Im not sure I really even know what "making it" means anymore. Would it be nice to win a Grammy for "instrumental record of the year"? Of course, but honestly, I'd be pretty thrilled just to have someone pay $1 for one of my songs on iTunes, I guess for me, making it as a music producer would mean making enough money off my music to earn a modest part-time living. I guess to me that's the difference between a hobbyist and a professional? I doubt it will ever happen, but it's not impossible. I've only been at this for about a year. If I continue doing what I love, stay passionate about it, keep learning and improving, who knows what the future holds? Not much point in locking a door you dream about opening. I think it's healthy and good to have dreams/goals of "making it", whatever that means to you, as long as it doesn't detract from the pure pleasure of making music.
I love this thread. Balance is tough. Some of this reminds me of that old They Might Be Giant's quote - "Music self played is happiness self made."
As long as you have a process and a goal, you can embrace a constraint. It sounds like everyone's universal constraint here is time. Make a song in a month. Repeat. Refine. Repeat. Change your constraints.
I am of the no need to finish anything camp these days. I used to 'finish' tracks but now the bar for what is considered 'finished' is so high I would likely never finish one until after I retire, if ever.
You don't have to always have a finished product to justify the time spent having fun making it. Too many people put goals in their sights that don't realistically fit with their lives in other ways. Music can be a really fun hobby or way to relax, it doesn't always have to lead to anything more than that.
Exactly!
Agreed. I do think/feel that many of us set expectations for creative works in a way we would never dream of for, say, gardening or noodling with a paint by numbers set, playing cards or cooking dinner. Sometimes the cigar is or should be the whole game....