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A Thread to Share Your Feelings (A Forum Support Group)
The world is going through a severe crisis and I think we need a safe place to vent and share feelings. Use the basic rules of a "support group":
- Share feelings and experiences, but not advice.
- Accept each other without making judgments.
- Listen to each other. Give everyone an opportunity to share.
- Always be honest.
- Have a positive attitude.
- Be respectful and sensitive to others.
- Be supportive and encouraging to each other.
- Refrain from using offensive language.
- Don't text while driving or using drugs.
If you want anonymity create a new account on the forum.
I'll go first.
I hate all wars but sometimes someone starts one and the world needs to respond using the tools of war. I think Putin needs to be contained like a wildfire and I pray that he can be. But I fear a lot of potential outcomes given his state of mind and the tools he has at his disposal to wreak havoc on the world order.
TIP: If someone breaks the rules we can't do anything about it. DO NOT ENGAGE or even call it out. Just avoid judgements and consider the IGNORE feature. You don't have to call it out. Just use it.
Who would like to share some thoughts?
Comments
Many support groups (certainly all 12-step ones at least) have a "no cross-talk" rule, which means no commenting on or reacting to other people's comments even indirectly, only sharing your own thoughts.
I like that rule and find it liberating for those who share as well as the listeners. But am only mentioning it, not saying it should apply here.
I grew up in the 70s and 80s very close to Aldermaston AWE. I was terrified of the bomb back then, and I’m terrified now. Just keep trying to fill my head with stupid shit to avoid dwelling on it. On the bright side, if we aren’t all vaporised, I’m hoping that we will come out of it a little wiser…
Sure. But just "going to meetings" is key for addictions to help with resolve and take it "day by day".
I envision a chance for people to have a forum to express pain or other deeply felt emotions when they have no community due to covid, etc.
If I may since we're just starting the establishment of norms/rules: those groups are physical and people get support from physical proximity and visual clues. Here, sharing feelings with no response is not much better than prayer or shouting into the wind.
Try it. Share you feels and see if no one comments. You'll risk everything for no reward or much benefit.
I've been a little depressed lately due to petty workplace nonsense. Then Putin invaded and reinforced the fact that humans can be irrationally terrible to each other. I'm fortunate in that I am financially secure and have lots of love at home with my wife and our animals, so my mental health should recuperate eventually, but it will take longer now due to Putin. My troubles are nothing compared to people living in a war zone. I feel for all humans who are suffering right now for any reason.
It's good that you can feel for others.
I decided to pay for the person behind me in the drive through for coffee this AM. Random acts of kindness help me more than the person behind me since I just feel helpless to reform the world but I can try and make someone feel marginally better for the act.
The flip side is being able to share more freely due to not having to be concerned at all with the response one may get or even what anyone feels about it, which can be its own reward.
But that's fine, like I said, I wasn't suggesting anything be applied to this thread, just sharing something that has helped me open up in other situations.
There's no risk for me here because there's not a chance in hell I'd express anything online if I actually care about how anyone else takes it and definitely not if I was looking for emotional support.
Tell us more about that.
It all started when I was a tiny child. My earliest memory was ...
After a year of Covid seclusion my wife got stomach pains and had to have a diseased gall bladder removed. CT Scales showed a cancerous mass in her chest. After coming home she had more intense pain and I took her back the ER and couldn't see anything wrong on the CT scans. They told me to take her home. I told them she needed pain management and made them keep her. After 3 days the scan revealed her intestines were punctured. They did 2 Colonscopies after the Gall Bladder surgery to check for cancer. The CT Scans and hospital records don't show any mistakes but you know how that goes.
The surgeon goes in and performs a colostomy procedure but advised her to skip the procedure since she's about 90 lbs but has always been a failure to thrive person at 4' 11".
But she's tough and she asked for the surgery and was in the ICU wasting away with sepsis for 3 weeks. But she pulled through and came home.
Now we do weekly infusions for the cancer they discovered.
You can plan on a great retirement but sometimes you get new orders and just have to deal with it. The chemo is really testing her resolve to keep going.
We will do what we have always done. Endure and deal with it and find comfort in our children and grandchild.
I'm glad my heath is good so I can provide care since she nursed me though 2 surgeries about 7 years ago after a car accident and a near stroke.
Having this forum has made a difference to me but I can always find a home on line. This is a pretty good one except for the desktop app and hardware discussions that pull at my need to have the coolest toys. I'm really drooling on the new iPads and MacBooks.
Is anyone else going through similar care giver stress with a loved one that's a 24x7 job?
@McD: that is a heavy load. I hope she will come through ok. She is lucky to have you there for her. I am impressed by your productivity in this situation. Fingers crossed for you.
@McD thank you for sharing. Sending most positive vibes.
Believe me, I need the outlet to help give life some reward.
Thank you brother. I hope you’re getting to use that fabulous voice on the stage.
Stop buying guitars… try a 12 Steps program. Wait. do you have a 12 String yet? I need a Les Paul.
@McD
Sending positive thoughts for your wife, it’s a testament to your character that during such a troubling time in your personal life that you’ve thought of others well being by starting this thread.
Ban the Bomb….why….because sooner or later someone who has lost their sense of reason will come to power in a province, that possesses these terrible weapons.
For the love of all humanity….
the only rule i question, is that that says "no drugs" ...
for that we are going to need a definition ...
i like Wim's suggestion of not looking for, or needing to reply ... we commune through our black mirrors ... that that we feel is our reflection rippling back through us ...
one of the first comments i remember making here was how i felt this place was (for me) like a quaker meeting, only getting in-volved if i felt the spirit move me...
i thought of it as bass-quakers
)
and i still do
)
i do not "online" inter-act in many places,, facebook with friends and family, and here ...
i see my e-body as an out-growth of my physical being, and so, unless i feel connected internally, i will try (where possible) not to extend myself into the on-line
are videos, memes, and non-sense all-owed here ?
)
Actually I tagged that on as a joke. "Smoke 'em if you got 'em."
This thread may reveal an unexpected (or expected) cornucopia of ills. Especially since the demographic skews toward the geriatric. We all know that as we age the conversation turns from pussies to prostates… I can’t at the moment think of a female equivalent. Irregularity is universal, tho, and always a crowd pleaser,
I, myself, am dealing with my exwife partner’s recent diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. She’s 67 and was a talented psychologist who also previously trained as a physician’s assistant. So… extremely smart…. Was, anyway. The decline has been rapid, and, tho a cure is certainly near (within five years the neurologist said) it is a horse race to see if she might be well enough to benefit… or even tolerate treatment if one arises in a year or three,
It’s such a different disease. A patient with cancer can use their mind to deal with and accept the difficulty. Dementia attacks the very tool we use to negotiate such troubled waters. There is only embarrassment, confusion, depression, mood swings and, of course, you can’t remember a fucking thing,
There are still good moments, but I can see the personality changes beginning. One day in the near future she will hate me as much as she once loved me. There is only one directive for me. Patience.
My mom had early-onset Alzheimer. Rapid, too - they say the earlier it gets you the faster it progresses. In her case though, it had a very remarkable effect. Her mental decline was always a step ahead of her physical state, in other words she never knew how bad she had it and never worried about it at all. Weirdly, she even developed a sense of humour that she had not had before.
Of course there came the point, quite late, when she stopped recognising me and my brother, but we stayed very friendly till the end. It may sound bizarre because Alzheimer is scary and she was so young, but we realised she actually had a very lucky way out - incomparably better than cancer or probably any other long-term cause.
I am sorry, brother. Be strong.
@McD I feared with so many entries in your waiting room series that something like this was behind it. I know they have made major advancements in the treating of cancer since it took my mother 15 years ago so I'll stay hopeful for you and your wife . Not a day goes by when I couldn't use mom's wisdom and gentle strength. Even if this wasn't a "no advice" type thread I don't know of anything I could possibly tell you. If it helps, know that you aren't alone.
I thought you said no advice!
If you do get a Les Paul, get an older one from at least early 2000s or late 90s. They’re not what they used to be.
Here’s my latest project. Got this 2012 mim tele from a local yokel for $220. Now it has a new nut and trees, locking tuners, Bakelite pickguard, vintage stainless steel bridge with brass saddles, and a RockRabbit slanted control plate. All together still costs the same as an average used mim tele…
What it was a week ago…
What is is now…
And yes I’m back on the road again, off to Nashville and then Stockholm!
Not 24/7, but semi-similar story. To summarize, 2021 was three trips to bring my wife to the ER due to severe abdominal pain and vomiting. Scans showed nothing. Had to wait 6 months just to get a colonoscopy. Found a mass. Surgery during the holidays. Stage 3 colon cancer. Thankfully considered surgically cured. Currently undergoing chemo for risk reduction.
It’s been a learning experience for me. I enjoy cooking more and no longer hate it the act of food prepping. I find that being relied upon more heavily by my six-year-old and wife has helped me tremendously with general overall depression. So when her battle is over, I think it wise that I do volunteer work with my son on a regular basis.
But today is not one of those days. I am fucking tired I can’t even think. I don’t know how single moms, especially if they’re going to school, sustain this chronically. It’s relentless, I constantly do something. Work, laundry, cook, dishes, bills, driving to doctors, interrupted sleep (if I’m lucky) to ready my child for school. Get him from school. I’m texting this as I’m currently watching my wife get her hair cut off after her third round of chemo. I don’t watch tv, social media, meet-up for drink, video game, or waste spare time, yet the only time I have for music is with my phone while I’m taking a shit, my 15 minute break and :30 minute break at work. A few times a week after work when I should be going to sleep to get at least five hours I’ll stay up a half hour or so.
I know with what’s going on in the world, plenty of people would envy my position and I’m coming across as a big baby. But I’m seizing this thread invite as an opportunity to talk about ME-E-E for once in my life, and unapologetically so. And if anyone has a problem with it, they can kiss my ass.
Keep fighting @Blipsford_Baubie / you’re a fucking hero in my book
Cancer, Type 1 Diabetes(45yrs), Arthritis, Broken Spine(on my honeymoon!), Heart Disease, 60+ years old. But happy as I’ve ever been: Vegan, run 2 miles a night, great wife & 2 wonderful children, and an incredible iPad/iPhone studio for all my guitars and keys and Saxes and music stuff. I did have a bad experience with depression once, but I’ve had a lotta stuff, decided it wasn’t for me.
@McD
Sorry to hear about your difficulties.
It must be tough.
Over a decade ago I along with my siblings
had to watch our father die from cancer.
Music and Art provided me with balance
through those months and continues to
do so many years later.
There are no easy words.
I appreciate life even more these days.
Peace.
🙏🏾
Can recommend:
— Victor Frankl
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man's_Search_for_Meaning
I've not got too many worries
Dad passed. Taking care of mom. Brother and sister-in-law are both behind the health 8-ball esp with covid around.
Me. Weird pains, sharp itching in feet (no diabetes), muscle twitching comes and goes...
The most annoying part is not knowing the source yet... and waking up before the crack of dawn for no f*cking reason.
What really drives me crazy are all the signs that the world in general is in dire trouble, but no one seems to want to really and substantively (by government and corporate action and the parting of large sums of cash) address it.
It being: plastic and chemical pollution, degradation of our fresh water, loss of habitat for wildlife, extinctions, overfishing, ocean acidification, loss of and lack of homes, droughts fires floods - all from climate change... the general apprehension when vast swaths of your citizenry are suffering from both a lack of basic scientific understanding and are swayed to extremism by propaganda, and now the looming threat of possible nuclear confrontation by an insane man with delusions of empire and grandeur.
Kinda makes me not want to take the books* advise.
@Gravitas @LinearLineman @McD @iOSTRAKON @NoiseHorse @Blipsford_Baubie and all the others suffering mentally, emotionally, and/ physically I love respect and admire you all...
even though I hardly know ye
I think these past four days were the most stressful in my life. speaking as a man who've survived addiction and a grenade blast near his head in different points in life.