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Why No One Listens Anymore?
I asked this question on others forums, but did not find any answers. It's now taboo I think.
Why I have a feeling that no one listens anymore? Am I paranoid? Even people that I love and that, in the past, has great ears, now does not listen anymore. When people talk, instead of listening, they think about the things they will say.
Sometimes, when I talk, I bait to see if people listen:"Yesterday, I made an important decision".........And the other person will change subject in 1 sec instead of asking:"Oh really, what did you do"?
A good friend of mine always, ALWAYS call me when he is doing something else. He called me and 10 times during the call he say:"Just wait 2sec please". Hey man, you are the one calling...
Social media?
Pandemic?
Narcissism?
Lost for attention?
I know that some people are better than others to listen, but now, I have a feeling that everyone has that virus of attention deficit disorder.
Comments
The eggs I had for breakfast were good.
I think it’s down to social media.
I blame Drambo
Eggcellent.
Reflexively blocking input to reduce a sense of overwhelm? (Or maybe just rude.)
Actually, probably more like blocking inputs because there is some payoff to the behavior. The payoffs and whether it’s intentional or reflexive can be very different from person to person.
I read this book and Carnegie was right on:
Nobody listens so if you want friends, be the one who is listening. When you understand that, you have an edge. Was true in 1936 and will be true in 2036.
I have some friends where communication is awesome face to face but in the msg,txt,chat world they simply treat it all like a pop up ad. i used to find my anxiety towards these friends would increase until I actually got to hang face to face and then the anxiety would vanish. I realized that not everyone I knew was on the same page with virtual manners. But as for meat space engagement there are just rare lunches with friends and the day to day with the mrs. We have been together for decades so naturally there are zone out times.
Mind virus….definitely. Past - Future - Past. I have been guilty of this in conversations with people where I will be thinking about what I want to say while the other person is talking rather than just be present with their expression. Sometimes it’s just a matter of slowing down.
I took Kratom many years ago after an appendix operation and I was tickled to see just how present it made me in conversations. I think the experience improved my approach even to this day.
I focus on present moment awareness and this has helped a lot with this process and my life in general.
It can help a lot for sure, particularly when it is focused on the present moment in the light of the presence of the other person. This is why I tend to prefer one on one interactions over groups. i tend to just see groups interactions as unfulfilled potential one on ones, which are usually so much more rewarding.
I feel the same.
I try to meditate. I know 0 person, ZERO, that can sit down for 5 minutes and focus on their breathing. It's just a way to slow down things and it's good for the soul. But when I ask people about that, it's like if I asked them "are you able to do 2000 push-up a day"? Sitting down for 5 minutes and focus on your breathing seems to be the hardest thing in the world to do. Some people don't have time. Hey, if you don't have 5min in your life, you are the problem.
@Montreal_Music I know what you’re talking about and agree with you.
I think the “not listening” thing is because typical people are currently so self focused, it’s very easy to do things that make you feel unique (iOS music for example).
Also because typically people that have opportunities for individual experiences feel the need to communicate with others more so than just being another brick in the wall with nothing interesting to talk about. That combined with Dale Carnegie’s observation that nobody listens gives us what we’ve got.
It’s possible that there is music out there new that is better than the Beatles in the ‘60s, but with so many other distractions and other music to drown it over, we’ll probably never be as focused worldwide as then.
I blame Apple hee hee.
Don't have this problem. Maybe you're hanging out with the wrong people...
This is a basic human need. This is why we make music, this is why we like to meet friend at a dinner, this is why we talk.
I have done in the past a 30 days no talking. Try it and take notes of your thoughts. It's hard.
There are people in my life who I’m better about listening to than others. I’m trying to be more aware of those times when I allow myself to get carried away so as not to monopolize conversations . I’m doing my best to be a better listener, but I’m a work in progress.
I think I had so much solitude before I met my wife that being focused on myself just became my default state. That and the current state of personalized media, social and news feeds making it far too easy to get lost in yourself and your interests.
Might be a good resolution. Really listen to others.
I hate that you feel like you aren’t being heard.
Hopefully that changes with the New Year.
Best of everything.
Mac
I’d rather you didn’t phrase it like that. Some of us had to deal with a real disorder that is pretty difficult to manage. People might be too focused on one thing to pay attention to other people, but it’s not the same thing as an attention deficit disorder.
I believe it's social media. Logging in to FB after ages to send happy new year to friends whom I have no other way to connect with. I found out that everyone's shouting to announce the things they have achieved recently, competing heavily, actually. I couldn't get out soon enough... It's like everyone feels that if they don't put on a show, they'd become a nobody.
Was gonna say, maybe you need to look for some better friends. I did a 2 month meditation retreat a few years ago, 5 mins is nothing!
Or maybe you are just talking to them about ios music too much to them - this can definitely have the effect of making non-iOS-music people's eyes glaze over 😂
Me too.
It was called "COVID lockdown"
LOL
Honestly, this has always been a thing. Human nature, for better and worse, perseveres. We just have different foci, different distractions, and .. oh wait, social media calls ….
Or just music, iOS or not, in my experience…
How were they prepared?
How’d you find your eggs? There’s absolutely none in the shops, the egg shelves are empty everywhere
I’ve had to resort to other types of birds
You sound very content Willie, brilliant, enjoyed reading this. I also find I seem to need other people less the older I get - I am very happy with my own company, and can easily go weeks at a time or even longer without intentionally meeting any friends. Too much time around others is often draining for me, even though I also have a side that is very sociable and fun. When it comes to talking and listening, I think I have a mix - with some friends I talk more, with others I listen more, it’s not something I think about, it’s just the way it is.
They were great actually, not seeing the egg shortage I keep hearing about at the stores near me.
A hermit who gets laid—you’re living the dream bro!