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Comments
@AlterEgo_UK That's a really good vocal melody, that helps to make the song memorable, definitely catchy and hummable. Nice instrumental break at 3 minutes too. I find this much more interesting to listen to than some of your other work because it's an actual song.
The only crit I would make is that the reverb on the vocal is a bit too strong, although it does lend it a retro vibe, but I would choose a warmer reverb and have a little less of it.
Thanks @richardyot. I have re-uploaded with less reverb on the vocals.
@AlterEgo_UK
Its all very subjective, and I am no expert.
Mood: folky, a clear blue sky with moving clouds, very nice atmospheric positive breathing airy feel in the music.
An idea: I would narrow the voice more to centre. It sounds too much stereo for me now. I think it is sung twice, one on left channel and one on right channel. An idea might be: main voice in centre, and backing left and right. But I am no expert, I struggle with my voice mixing.
By the way, I completely agree with the lyrics.
I suddenly hear (while listening to it for the second time) around 5:50 the great potential this song has. I hear a flow, a stream of music, and it sounds great, and the mix of the voice is the key in my opinion. It is my view that it is now too much seperate from the instruments. It should be more embedded in the instrumental flow.
If I would mix it (but again, I am an amateur in voice mixing) I would experiment with narrowing the voice more down to the centre, and indeed try a different reverb, and add some delay to it, and lower the volume a bit.
Optional: an electric guitar solo (Pink Floyd style for instance)
Edit: I don't know to which version I listened, cause I just saw you re-uploaded it. I don't feel like putting more time in it to investigate this, with respect. I think I listened to the first version, I listened to it somewhere between 18:30-19:00 dutch time, and posted this comment on 19:10 dutch time
Like this, kind of post rock in a mogwai meets the orb kind of way!
Ok, rip this apart then..a deep atmospheric techtrance kind of thing..
My July proposition is still work in progress. Currently I'm focusing on looking better when playing drums. It is important you know?
@touchconspiracy: nice work! Some great watery electronic sounds. Quite hypnotic, although the kick is a little too up front for my taste
@supadom: kudos for producing a live video of the performance!
I enjoyed the track too - it has a really infectious groove!
@Marcel: Thanks for listening to my track twice!
)
Thanks also for your thoughts on it.
I agree that music and mixing is very subjective (e.g. @richardyot felt there could be less reverb, which would bring the vocals out more and you felt that some delay and a lower volume would blend them in more
However, I have taken up your suggestion of centering the doubled vocals and lowering the level slightly and I think it does sound better. Cheers!
@supadom Yeah, good. Like it a lot. Drummer bloke looks a little bit like Levon Helm, nothing wrong with that. Mister Happy up front did a good job, but I could swear when he felt the need to add the spoken 'Candyman!" at the end he was going to keep on with "...here on Radio Happy, brought to you by etc etc" in that ubiquitous close to the mike pretending to be sincere radio announcer voice...
Seriously though, good groove. You're our own summer festival.
Thanks for listening mate! By the kick being upfront, do u mean too sharp, loud?
>
Yes, a bit of both, really.
@supadom - Top rhythm guitar 'chops' ! A good groove indeed.
@touchconspiracy: I like the watery sounds at the beginning, I thought the intro was promising and the groove is OK, if a bit repetitive. The stops and starts lend some dynamics to the tune too.
What I personally would have liked to hear is a bit more ambition in the songwriting, there is very little in the way of actual musical content - for example the song enters into a lull at the two minute mark, only then to go back to the same progression that had come before it, I would have preferred a surprise.
The sense I get when listening to this is that you are trying to emulate a genre, but without trying to push its boundaries or do more than the minimum work necessary. I think you could push yourself harder and be more creative/inventive.
I listened to the track four times as I wanted to be sure I was being fair in my assessment - however all the usual caveats about this being my personal opinion etc should apply. Anyway, well done for posting again, despite my criticism last month. Feel free to push back on my comments too.
@supadom as this is still a WIP I will reserve judgement until the final entry is posted.
Firstly I can say that I wish I had your sense of rhythm, to be able to play the drums and rhythm guitar like that shows a high level of musicianship.
The song as it stands is OK, but it feels like a fragment rater than a whole song - there's essentially only one chord progression and it's pretty repetitive, but maybe there is more variation in the finished thing. The vocals really intrigued me, the melody was good so I hope they will get fleshed out more.
The arrangement is super-dense, with the drums, guitar, synth all working together to provide an aural assault. I quite liked the fact that I hadn't really heard a sound like that before, but it would definitely benefit from some contrast, some parts of the tune that were sparser.
Anyway looking forward to hearing the finished thing.
Cheers guys. The finished article is rendering so I have some time to comment on other stuff I've listened to
@touchconspiracy I start by saying that it's not my kind of thing. As a musician though in terms of mix I found the kick a bit too hard, maybe lower (pitch) and rounder would suit the tune better, almost like heartbeat, but that's my thing. I liked the ethnic sound in the background, shells or something, what is it? Is it some generative app?
@AlterEgo_UK I like the song, but I guess that's a cover so it doesn't count
. I don't know the original but if you've rearranged it, you did a good job, suits the subject. As for criticism I'd like to see the voice a bit closer to the listener, it is lost in the effect you're using, it would be good to hear the sibilants a bit more. Also the twinkly stuff in the background, I'd bring it in and out as it tires the ears after a while. I know that it goes with the dreamy territory but the mix is probably a tad too soaked in reverb. I'd turn it down by at least 30%. Good work though, it definitely works.
@AndyX this definitely occupies the elevator music category in my head. You did a really good job at emulating the organic qualities of a full clean professional (if sterile) band. A bit of vinyl crackle in the background wouldn't go amiss. I wasn't too sure about the choir, it sounded very synthetic but maybe that's what you wanted? I liked the initial samples, I'd personally let them linger a bit longer into the music, it cuts out rather obrubtly. They could come back in places here and there within a song, I thought. Just trying to imagine myself as a little boy laying on the beach and hearing all the sounds and the music in equal oscillating, sweaty kind of measure.
@richardyot I've listened to your teaser right after AndyX's bossa nova and I've heard the girl from ipanema within the music, weird. Sounds intriguing. Could be a music they put when you're put on hold in some dodgy tarantinesque brothel type of scenario. Definitely well twisted.
@Marcel good start but you're right, it's an exact copy (the first four chords) of the Cure, even the tempo and the rhythm. Try inverting the chords maybe? Or stick them into Sector or Samplr's arpeggiator.
@necrome it would definitely help to understand the lyrics as I can think of quite a few other very similar songs to this. It took me right to studio Ghibli land though which is a compliment to the recording quality even though there's a lot of noise on the vocal track, did you record it with the built in mic?
@JohnnyGoodyear great track. Well produced other than the odd pop of the mic and some nasty digital distortion. Very loopy, just like most of your stuff I've heard so far. I'd like to move into that territory myself, Matthew Herbert, Thom Yorke etc. I like the subtlety in which you use the effects. That's one area I definitely need to work on. I know not an official track but though I'd comment. I'd like a list of the movies you've knicked the clips from
@supadom: Thanks for the comments:
)
Actually, this is an original song that I wrote about a week ago so that may account for why you haven't heard the original before!
Folks here seem to be oscillating between saying too much and not enough reverb on the vocals (subjective really, I guess
Yes, I may have overdone the "twinkly stuff" though!
Thanks for listening.
Finished rendering, uploading, processing. it wasn't originally intended to be my official entry but here it is
@supadom I really like the finished song. A really modern sound, and a great performance. Nice groove, lots of interesting little musical snippets and the whole thing builds up and evolves nicely with a great energy.
The vocals probably need to be higher in the mix, but aside from that nothing to criticize. The ending is a bit chaotic/unstructured but it veers (just) on the side of being fun rather than self-indulgent.
Most importantly it's a good song, and you've got an original sound.
I've updated the second post with all the entries so far.
Hey supadom, quite contagious groove you had there - it's one of those videos you don't really want to finish watching. The ending drew a laugh from me!
My only suggestion, if I had to make one, is that I found the white sheets of paper a little distracting in the overall subdued light of the video! But a very minor point really; everything from the videos and your performance were really nice to watch.
Thanks for listening and for the comments on my track. I agree with you that the track leans too much towards generic / elevator type of music. In some ways that it is how I perceive Bossa Nova, especially without vocals, but I've been debating with myself if I should do something different in that track - maybe more daring bass or guitars or piano, to offset that?
Would love to hear your, or anyone else's, opinion on that!
@supadom. Great delivery, love the guitar break/rhythm piece before the second chorus....amazing just for the damn multi-tasking, feel like I need to score it for technical performance as well as song....the lead sound at 2.30 ish sounds a bit loud to me, but what the hell. If I wanted to crit (and I don't) I'd say I might like a little more sex/menace in there somewhere (but then that's my default position Doctor).
Really good/top stuff.
Awesome, thanks! That description makes me very happy! Your track is really nice too. I love the ambient background stuff, I think it works well with the mix.
FINAL VERSION
I did a remaster of the last version. This is it:
https://app.box.com/s/lrh2qzidgg5sqhypy6znnnuc974ep0vn
Version history:
-1. instrumental
-2. voice added, different solo guitar
-3. voice remixed, known in this thread as ****new version****
-4. the final version: a remaster of version 3.
I overdid the highs (eq) during mastering version 3, so I adjusted that. I also lowered the total volume cause I detected a little distortion around 1:45.
I still have some doubts about the volume and eq of (parts of) the voice in the mix, but this remaster of the whole thing is an improvement for me. The sound is more pleasant to listen to now.
If anyone still hears hiss (I don't hear it) remember there are strings in the background. They hiss a lot.
........................................................................................................................................................
@richardyot - a request: would you please be so kind as to replace the version in the list on page 1 with this final version?
@Marcel Reminded of Robert Wyatt, not so much by the voice, but that I can see/imagine him singing this. Most certainly a very lachrymose piece. No hope in sight. But feels heartfelt and believable (which is v. important).
What about that terrible hiss?
Just kidding, of course. I have watched you working through the versions on this and decided to wait until you reached a 'final' before listening.
Sounds good to me. Not wholly convinced about the chorus-y guitar with such a sad song. I know, that sounds a little odd, but it feels like a stock sound for this type of emotion and therefore makes me wonder what an alternative might be. BUT, this is only me thinking aloud. It works well.
I see/sense an improvement in your voice. Or that you are beginning to have just a little more confidence and can find some 'takes' you like. Good for you. I see this as one of the prime benefits of this group exercise of ours.
Now how about writing the book-end to this one where the lost man gets up on his feet and walks towards the sun?
@supadom I recorded it with the Zoom H2 through a powered USB Hub, and I don't know how to do noise removal with Auria! Do you have an affordable solution that would work for me? I am currently looking at hooking up my dynamic headset mic through the headset jack of the iPadAir but I have no idea if it'd work without a preamp or something
(
@JohnnyGoodyear
Thanks a lot for your thoughts!! Indeed, what about the hiss? Got your point. Its a no issue. And the voice...I only did one take. Its a bit soft sang, with a somewhat broken voice, and with a german accent, especially in the first verse (don't know if you know Boris Becker, but I sound a bit like him, he's german, i am not). I could have done more takes, but I don't like taking more takes. The technical imperfection is a plus for this song, but the german accent I don't like very much. I am pretty shure that when I did do another take, there would be other things I don't like. So I kept it with this one.
The chorus guitar sound: I like it. I have put a chorus effect on top of it after recording it, so a more dry take does exist. But I understand what you mean, my interpretation: it is an intimate song, and a more intimate guitar sound could be a better choice. Haven't really considered that, cause of the first instrumental version which sounded good for me, the lyrics weren't born yet at that point. Anyway, I like it as it is.
I haven't decided yet about putting it on my SoundCloud: I still do feel a bit unconfident about the quality of the voice and the german accent doesn't help, and also the intimacy and sadness of the song makes me think twice to put it there. And also a bit uncertain if I like the song that much to put it there (regarding quality of the whole song). The previous 2 songs I did post on SoundCloud. Perhaps in a week or two I will think different about it.
Good idea to make something positive!
Edit: or did you mean by that hiss joke that there is hiss in that quiet spot just before the end section? I checked it and there is indeed hiss there, but its part of the strings track, it is a component of the strings I used from Sample Tank.
@Marcel I hope you did not take offense to the comments about the hiss. I feel bad that it became a running comment about it.