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Comments
Haha, cigs and shrooms are certainly a beautiful combo
Can’t really add much except that I really like your music.
I do know what it’s like to be shot at and what it’s like to shoot back. The latter is somehow worse.
It’s good that you have a supportive wife, I wouldn’t be here without mine.
Lastly, what @Jonny8 said. New doctors can change your life.
Glad you made it out of it. However, what works for you doesn’t work for all.
Thanks, man! Luckily (?) I was shot with an old 1902 rifle I believe. If it was a modern rifle, well, I wouldn’t be sitting here.
Naw dog, I don’t want to continue to take Valium. Lexapro works on a daily. But what i just did was outside of my normal routine. Needed to take more of the edge off.
LOL, yeah. Said constantly that I’d rather be shot with 7.62 than 5.56. The ‚little‘ buggers start to tumble...
Definitely! I kept the bullet and shell casing and recently gave it to my son. He loves antiques and I’m pretty sure it is a special artifact to him.
„Hey baby, do you want to see the bullet that almost killed my dad?“
Hmm. Needs some work I think.
One for the depression
Sleepless Worlds
It’s 5:20 am
A world is ending, and I struggle with
auto correct, auto completion,
and autonomic nerves, systems run amuck.
I want to cry at the typed constructs
of blinding contrast, black on phosphor white,
seemingly so clean of shaking hands and palsied mind,
and at the scratches, truer in intent,
carved into scraps of fibrous pulp,
some red, some blue,
like enriched and depleted hemoglobin
coursing out of a grievous wound.
Meaningless hieroglyphics all!
A tic, a tally!
Lost tales of book-keeping,
of lives-stocked, and grains of time.
A rosette of stone lost to ages
immutable and untranslatable...
It’s 6:49am
Score, and hatch and dot.
Word is a line away from world.
Words fail, and I cry enough to void,
to warrant another try: at stringing symbols into sense,
capturing reason between lines,
leaving a trace of emotional accounting amongst the cuneiform,
and by depositing salts from sweat laden fingertips and swollen glands,
to practice again the origins of all alchemy.
It’s 7:04am
A world is ending.
One for the love
Abandon
You are my exercise in abandon.
I would at first hate you
for you would not yield.
I would then despise you
for you would not mind.
I would then loath and curse you
for you would not give.
I recognize then we are no different
save the place and time of our birth,
The names of our lineage
and bearing of our experiences,
the intimacies of our knowledge
and the dance of our lives.
All these things matter not in love
any more than
the direction of your hair
or the space between teeth.
So, I yield. I mind. I give
in love, in hope, and in blessing.
A heart no longer,
no longer knowing alone.
Together with abandon.
One for the music
There is a song I wish to sing
There is a song I wish to sing
Unwritten, it’s initial chord stands
suspended in the breath of all,
as Gabriel’s horn yet to resound.
In the air, it shimmers.
In the light, motes dance to its preternatural form.
It percolates in the humus of the earth,
but crumbles to white, before the order of its shape.
It is unresolved, though the chorus of its longing
fills every verse.
It’s root is long and deep,
with no mode to contain a note transubstantiated,
heavier than death, lighter than the word.
Hahahaha, he’s 17 so he can handle it
For sure, I don’t plan on stopping that anytime soon. Thanks for the advice.
@audiblevideo - those lyrics are mesmerizing. Hit me right in the soul. If you don’t use those, could I?
I wrote them all. Which one(s) are you referring to? And thanks. I’m using every artistic outlet I have to stay sane myself.
As a not unrelated question how are with rap/spoken word? I’ve got one poem that I really want to collaborate on.
Great piece of work here, kudos
Really jealous of your trip to MT btw. We miss living in the US a lot.
“One for the love” is my favorite. Truly enjoyed all three.
I can’t rap but I can enjoy doing spoken word. Would love to collab
It was life changing. Where do you reside now?
London, UK.
Thanks @Gavinski - that was a pretty shitty time in my life and I’m glad I got something artful out of it.
@iOSTRAKON Well. Let’s see what you’re thinking you’d do with it. (Basically run it by me - before you release if that’s ok.)
Blimey
Of course, I have that other track with the AUM set up you suggested. I will upload it soon.
Hope you’re doing better
🤣
some good people in this forum for some of the responses here, good to know a lot of us have some similar pasts and current situations and can band together here and talk about it like adults, and that our bro @iOSTRAKON is comfortable enough to post such personal details with us.
def a crazy life story brother, and i trust you will find ways to keep coping... for me i have had terrible anxiety since i can remember, so probably around 7 or 8 years old ... maybe sooner... i went my whole child hood without really telling anyone because i didnt realize it wasnt normal, but once i got into my teenage years and discovered LSD, mushrooms and MJ i was able to escape and enter a realm where anxiety and depression did not matter. Years later after many many situations i realized that masking the pain was not the answer, but that in the right doseage and moderation it can have a postiive effect. im very hopeful for legal Psilocybin micro doses one day, the research is all pointing in the right direction and it seems at this time it could become a thing ...small doses always helped me in the past but its been years now since ive parteken. i tried RX drugs and just because they are legal dosent mean they are the answer or that i think they are good, ive found a lot of people judge you if you try to self medicate properly but suddenly if you buy into big pharma they have your back...its one of the most annoying things in life to me honestly.
anyway that rant aside none of the rx drugs helped me personally and most made it worst, ...breaking out in full panic attacks and sweats and shakes....after trying a handful of those i discovered a legal herb that does a much better job at helping me curve my anxiety and that is what i use now. Good ol mother nature usually has the cure right in front of us, and with little to no manipulation it works as it grows. hope you find some things to help you and if anyone wants more info on that plant you can message me , preferably on ig as the messaging system here is not that great and i can try to lead you in the right direction.
Chris, please get your heart checked. Suffering from fears over a long time is pure poison for the heart.
PE can be caused by heart issues which could be the reason for the blood clots that you apparently didn't have earlier in your life.
An X-ray won't show that. You'd have to find a doctor who can do an echocardiogram of your heart to mainly check the heart valves and its proper functioning. A coronary angiogram is another possible examination but likely not too helpful in diagnosing the root cause of your PE.
It's good that you take Warfarin, also because a PE can source from a deep vein thrombosis that can be very difficult to find in your body.
Did you take anything to dissolve the blood clots?
Warfarin is a blood thinner and great for prevention but not necessarily capable enough to dissolve existing clots.
Another important thing: Don't sit too much and keep moving!!!
Do something physical that you enjoy 😊
It helps your body on multiple levels.
Just one of many ideas...
@iOSTRAKON: Wow, those are some experiences! Reading your other posts, which are always helpful and positive, I wouldn't have guessed that you've gone through those. I can't add anything, but much respect from me. 👍