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Comments
Gadgets been getting a little love since I bought an iPad again, iM1 really opens up the palette.....been playin with some grooves and sounds to see what she can do...
@DaveMagoo welcome to the club
I must point out that giving out a decent critique requires a significant investment of time on the listener's part, so it's asking a lot to post 4 tracks and expect people to devote that amount of time to critiquing your work. For example, for me a typical critique takes at least 15 minutes, often more, as I need to listen to the track 3 or 4 times to really make a fair assessment of it. You are basically asking me to devote an hour to listening to your work, and this is without having made any critiques of your own.
So in the light of this I think it would be better if you submitted just your strongest entry for this month, and also take the time to comment on everyone else's work as well. If you post just your strongest track you will also be much more likely to receive more feedback
@LostBoy85 It's a very good entry - great intro, great vocal melody, and all the musical elements are very sophisticated, complex melodies and guitar parts, very little repetition but a strong sense of structure nonetheless. Great vocal performance of course - if I was mixing this I might have been tempted to put a stronger treatment on the vocals though
Nice laid-back vibe as well, the track washes over you in a very pleasant way, but the vocals and guitar still have emotional intensity. My only criticism is that maybe it's all a bit too soft, some spikier sounds here and there might have helped to steer this away from the middle-of-the-road a little. Of course, speaking as a self-confessed Barry Gibb fan, there's nothing wrong with a bit of MOR.
I think the collaboration is proving very fruitful though, and you are exploring musical territory that is well outside your normal range, which is great. You've got all the technical chops between the two of you, and there's a lot of feeling in the music, which is the key ingredient IMO.
Hello all,
Excited to share our collab with @crouchie , he submitted his original track this month, and here's my remix
Original version
Thanks, never really thought of it in that light but makes perfect sense
Thanks very much Richard,I'm chuffed that the mood/feeling of the song comes across so well.I like what you said that the track "washes over you" I think that's what this one does to me aswell.In fact that's what all of @Marcel tracks do for me,so it was nice to try and write something that captures that feeling.
if you can imagine what Barry Gibb sounds like when he's kicked in the nuts...that was it! Haha!
Now did you mean that it's too soft for your taste or that it could have just used some oooompth in places? I should never have deleted that death metal scream I had in the intro!
Cheers mate
Leo
With the caveat that everything is subjective, so it's always a matter of personal taste, I just think that a little bit of an edge would be a good thing.
I love melody, groove, pretty tunes etc... (as I never get tired of pointing out), but I also love innovation, originality, and the unpredictable. The very best music has a blend of all of these.
This entry for me has all the beautiful music, but no edge. I like some sugar in my tea, but this track might be (a little) too sweet. To be honest it's a very difficult thing to achieve, and I've struggled with it in my own music, I either write a pretty tune that doesn't have much innovation, or a weird meandering thing that lacks a tune.
(edit) it's also worth saying that with this criticism I am holding you and Marcel to a much higher standard than average. You have the potential, I just want to see you push it all the way.
@LostBoy85 @Marcel Good to see/hear you back after that stern telling off from our guv'nor. I'm still in therapy so extra Kudos to you for writing such beautiful lyrics. You two make a top duo of musicalness for us to hear & enjoy.
Tight, tidy intro with some nice guitar work/sounds. I like where you stab the guitar to emphasise the snare beat in the verse. What is that last hanging chord of the bridge? It works so well. The chorus soars high above that Lighthouse bright. The way you sing the words "Amalie" & "have" is delightful & very professional.
I "feel" your song & maybe an oomph or two would raise that level of feeling to penetrate the full pit of my stomach. But then that washiness could erode. Like already said its a balance that must be tricky to achieve. A swipe of a rougher textured sandpaper may be enough
It didn't so much wash over me (I get that feeling too) but almost drenched me in a well sung, played, performed piece of music. Congrats.
@richardyot aha,yes I understand you now and I really appreciate the feedback.And I agree that it's good to push the boundaries.I appreciate the praise and also the nudge.Thanks man.
@bluepunk haha,thanks very much for your generous feedback mate.There is no naughty step for me anymore as after all these years of being such a "Badass" I literally wore the naughty step away!
I appreciate your thoughts on the lyrics as I worked quite hard on those.Thanks man 
@Bluepunk - Thx!!
The chord, I think you mean the Amin7 with an added G, its played barre on the fifth fret.
Thanks @Marcel I can't play guitar but if I hear a chord or progression (I'm learning see) that make my ears prick up, I ask then write in my notes & chords book for future songs. I don't think I can replicate your chord on Guitarism but I thank you for taking the time to explain it to me.
@crony & @crouchie Listening again to your original first reminded me how good that urgent dance vibe & clever vocals are. Now, that's what you call a remix alright! You are talented souls indeed.
It retains the flavour of V1 without losing any of that weightiness & flow. That sub bass (is it) that kicks into the ghostly intro is scrumptious & it just gets better. I'm amazed & demonstrates yet again how much talent there is in this here club. I don't know what you've done, how you did did it or where you even started but my ears & sound nerve endings love it. So many little additions & subtractions but again, without detriment to the immediate feeling & message of the original. I can still dance to it. Great groove.
I like this remix thang (sorry) . I never really got it before & I'm sure @richardyot started a remix thread t'other month to promote doing it some more. Yes please! If this is what can be achieved, I can't wait to hear/experience a lot more in the future. Not so much 17 but a hell of a lot of Heaven. A huge thumbs up from moi!
@tgig well I must say that sounded really good.That pianist must be bloody knackered!! I really like this style,all the elements work,I especially like the strings.its all quite hypnotic to my ears and i can def see this being used in a commercial for a car or perfume.
Good work mate.
@LostBoy85
The first minute was gorgeous ! I'm not crazy of the beginning of the break between 1:02 to 1:18 , not sure the problem comes from harmonies, more with timing, it lost the power of the first minute, then it came back to "normal" .
I don't have the problem when it comes back later on, so must be a rhythmic problem (once again to me).
Production is simple but very efficient, maybe a modular synth instead of "cheap" strings would be better, and that would warm up ? (between 2:52 and 3:37) and in the end.
The fade out at the end didn't bug me that much for once
Great job !
@DaveMagoo
Hmm, it's hard to judge on a loop...Even if it sounds, it doesn't mean you can make it 3 min or more...
Production is clean, but sounds a bit outdated (from the 2000's)
Keep going !
@Bluepunk thanks so much for your comment !!
Echo that @Bluepunk. @crony has worked some magic on that, and your comments a v encouraging. Cheers!
@crony and @crouchie I think the remix is a definite improvement, the song is much more musical sounding now.
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While this is an interesting rework, I don't think it fits that well with the original vocals of @crouchie 's track. It feels to me like the vocals have been added to another quite different track, in terms of the vocal's timing not really fitting with the instrumentation. Also there's some rather 'jarring' chordal harmony relative to the original vocals.
On the positive side, it's an imaginative rework in itself, with some interesting twists and turns (instrumentally). The change at the end works best of all, I think. The energy of the original still works for me though.
A great effort here methinks. I'd have preferred the track to start 'straight in' (at 0:13). The understated lead parts and the picked guitar parts are very nice. The vocal delivery is great (though a tad low in the mix ?) throughout.
Veering over to preference, a more minor key feel may have been an interesting alternative.
Getting a song like this to flow, I would imagine is pretty hard, ensuring that all the parts work together and nothing seems out of place.
@crony CHEAP STRINGS!??!! Those are isymphonic bloody £50 strings!! Haha! I'm just f@cking with ya,I get your point but I quite like them and imo that app does the best you can get on iOS.Thanks very much for your feedback mate.Why do fade outs usually do your head in? Is it cos they're done wrong? Just curious:)
I listened a few times to your remix with @crouchie first off let me say kudos to you both for collaborating! Imo you both kick ass at what you do. I love the music,especially the verses,it's a great chord sequence that for me creates a cool mood and it works really well with the vocal...in the verses.However in the name of honest feedback I have to say that any time there's harmony on the vocal it just doesn't sit as well with the music.I wish I could tell you technically what it is that I'm picking up on but I'm just not that smart
all I can say is that it doesn't sound as smooth as the verses with just crouchies lead vocal.
This is all subjective as we all know.
If u haven't alread, maybe try taking the harmonies off and just see how it plays without them.Btw,I don't think there's anything wrong with your harmony Crouch I'm just trying to figure out how to make this sound better for you both.
Just my thoughts guys,I hope it helps
Thanks very much @Igneous1 for taking the time to listen and comment mate.
If you are correct about the vocal being a touch low,then shame on me cos I'm the one who's always banging on about turning it up!
Goodluck with your album mate.
Leo
Cheers for the feedback. We both agreed with your comments when we were getting this together, and I am planning to update the vocal v soon. I think the new tune is so good I need to just adjust the key I sing it in to match, which I'm really looking forward to doing (whilst trying to fit real life in there somewhere too). I think the vocal would suit the tune better it I made it a little less intense and made sure the timing is spot on too (there's a couple of little lapses in there).
You are a SOTMC workaholic. Another double. Great stuff, more intricate and varied. Couldn't follow all the chord changes but they are bloody impressive. Like the bass breakdown then the sudden drop back in. Lovely stuff!
You know I really liked that. Not my usual cup of tea, but the little electronic scratches really made it for me. Has grown on me a lot. Doesn't outstay it's welcome and generates a nice little atmosphere. If I wanted to change anything I'd just want it a little more bass-y and, I don't know, dense? But I reckon part of that is the Soundcloud file compression. But that is a tiny point, I think thats a really very good little track. Cheers
@crouchie Phew! Oh good,I'm glad you picked up on it aswell.Its always difficult to not just say "hey,great job,that was awesome" when you know something's bothering you.Also we all know how much work goes into these songs.
I think you're right and that it's a "key" thing.Thats awesome that you're going to re sing it.Thst should help no end.Also don't forget that although it's great if you can get the timing perfect in an actual take,it can also be adjusted in the editing stage.I often have to do this myself.
Good luck with it mate.
Leo
Thank you so much, @crouchie!
@LostBoy85 / @Marcel
Mister Leo/Marcel: A piece polished to a smooth shine etc. I was going to add 'perhaps too much', but that's not really what I mean. I think that the chiaroscuro of this piece (and the music is very much the effortless canvas here) is defined by the vocal and while it is a very good bit of work (it's your bar Leo; you're the one who has to get over it
) my own humble opinion is that it's lovely throughout it doesn't quite add up to the sum of its parts as a song. I feel (again just toast here) that it is very close, but needs something to make it memorable/come to more of an emotional crescendo. I think there's room for some double tracking/harmonizing at some point (particularly because you're very good at that) which might add some more shading. This also feels like an album version (nothing wrong with that) and I would love to hear what you would rejig a little if you -essentially- had to end the song at 3.30 (maybe an outro on top) and, knowing that, if the piece would pack more of a punch.
Apologies if it feels I've started with half a line saying how good it is and then written a long paragraph bitching. That's not the intent at all. There is professional grade stuff in here, but -for me- it's not quite over line yet.
Hey @JohnnyGoodyear you and your bloody long words!!:D what the hell does that "chorizo roro" mean?? Hahaha! Thanks for your review mate and I appreciate your honest opinion.God,do I have to get over a bar? Can't I just limbo away happily ever after?
Truth is that I sang a shit load of harmony for this song and in the end I just felt that it hurt the song more than it helped.Which is weird,cos as you know I love doing backing harmonies etc. As for the emotional crescendo hmm...I'm not entirely sure what I could have done,as we were already conscious of the songs length.I was kinda hoping that Marcels guitar and my thinly disguised story of how I got over a huge faith crisis by meeting my now wife (not called Amalie:) ) would be enough. I do get that you like the song and I realise you're also just giving us/me a nudge and I do appreciate it.
Thanks man!
deleted my comment