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Stay strong @Fingolfinzzz
Hey @onerez so I’m a recovering addict and I’m also bi polar. I’ve been 5150’d 4 times for attempting suicide, during my most apathetic, visceral, and reckless years. I’ve had 17 friends die from overdosing, and for a very long time I considered myself next in line. My cousin recently died from a random act of violence, my aunt was recently diagnosed w cancer, (in addition to my other aunt dying from cancer and my cousin also having cancer). I’ve got a buddy who’s brother and mom both committed suicide in the same room. (And our mutual friend died in his bathroom.) I’ve seen people murdered and OD, and had several guns/knives to my head. My dad broke my jaw and broke my moms nose. Been a missing person in several cities, been robbed countless times and had to collect gear and laptops again and start over. I’ve been stranded by a Greyhound bus and walked 88 miles on the 5 freeway to be picked up by CHP and then later transported to the Oakland transit station where I got robbed. I played a tour in 2014, while secretly being addicted to heroin and was dope sick in more cities than I can remember. I got robbed in San Francisco and in New York. I fell off of a scooter going 30* mph downhill and broke my fibula and ruptured a ligament. I have an 8” rod and 13 screws in my leg. I can no longer jump or run or crouch and had to re learn how to walk via physical therapy. It was very lonely during recovery and I had to deprogram from some harmful political rabbit holes afterwards. I’ve been hit by a moving vehicle, and then dragged by my clothes several feet. I’ve got a hematoma from that.
I’m not listing this stuff to have an oppression Olympics, just saying there is a chance for happiness. Through recovery, through NA/AA/SAA/etc, and channels like Soft White Underbelly, through service for others, and examining the ills and depravities of third worlds and black markets often gives me perspective. And music! My biggest outlet and what keeps me going and striving for flow. Therapy helps a bunch, as well as hydroxyzyzine for anxiety. I played the alphabet soup game for 4+ years trying to find something that works from Abilify to Celexa to Halidol to Benzotryptine to Lamitical to Latuda to Clonidine to Hydroxyzine to Lorazepam to Versed and some others I can’t remember.
Steve vai’s a big champion for mental health advocacy. He’s got some insightful talks and approaches for mediation like playing a single note for an hour straight and just focusing in on character of that one note. It can help with mindfulness.
Binaural beats (Monroe Institution) can help.
Organizing your thoughts is helpful. I recommend the Notion app for that.
Headspace can be helpful. There’s a licensed therapist on Periscope that does biweekly sessions in which she takes suggestions or questions and reaches out to users. Something like that can be helpful if you can’t access therapy IRL.
Curtiss King’s Podcast touches upon mental health in the producer community and has been helpful to me at times as well.
Brian Funk’s podcast touches upon Mental Health in several episodes touching upon imposter syndrome and flow states.
I’m still looking for a sponsor/mentor, but find a whole lot of solace in my girlfriend, mother, sister, professor, counselor, neurologist, primary, therapists and psychologist, and some groups on discord.
Having a support group, even if it’s in discord helps tremendously. Journaling helps. Yoga and practicing mindfulness and gratitude helps. Grounding and breathing excercises help.
Try to attain a varied skill set of coping mechanisms for when episodes arise. Connect with your inner healer through music.
Definitely! And there are plenty of people suffering from depression who don’t do any of the things on that list.
Stay strong and don't t be affraid of using anti depression meds. They can really help you to see the light again.
I started using anti-depression meds (Paroxetine) since 6 years ago with very good results. After using them for about 2/3 weeks i noticed i started to laugh and enjoying my hobby's again. I dont noticed any side effects.
I’m on Zoloft and valporic acid, it’s made all the difference. It just created a buffer that helps me deal with things more easily. I’m not ashamed about it. And yes seeing a doctor is the first step, mental health is just health.
Big hugs to all from Tuscany xx
@taeo That was a great read, thanks for posting.
If anything, it shows me how strong a person you really are!
👍🏼👍🏼
Defy…defy…defy…What’s the first thing you think about when someone says “depression”? Potato chips wrappers, ordering take out, binge watching TV, getting on here.…… What’s the ONE thing you feel like doing least? What’s depression hate the most? Physical exercise…Yoga …long runs…stretching.I know it sounds simplistic….Deceptively so…But it just is…All of that helps..Try it, as much as you don’t wanna do it..Heart problems ? Go for a long brisk walk..Clean your house. Don’t let ‘em getcha……FOCK depression! You won’t have it, is all!!! And yes, you ARE in control………
SAD therapy light work great for me this time of year. And no side effects.
Depression is no joke. I learned that firsthand a year ago when my grandmother passed away. I felt a constant emptiness and despair that was unlike anything I'd felt before.
It wasn't just sadness but a complete inability to enjoy anything. Friends tried to help by organizing parties, car trips, but nothing really worked.
I found relief through individual therapy in nyc. My therapist was insightful, pinpointing how my grief was manifesting as depression. He advised me to keep a daily journal, reflecting on positive aspects of my life, and we practiced mindfulness exercises together, focusing on breathing and being present. That personalized approach pulled me out of the dark place I was in. Since those therapy sessions, I haven't experienced those feelings again, and I've continued to apply what I learned.
I wish you well, friend. I have been there, and not too long ago I was feeling certain I was at the very end of my rope. Isolation during the pandemic was driving me to acts of abject self-destruction. I'm stil scarred. I can offer no real insight or advice, just the (modest) comfort hopfrully provided by knowing you are not alone.
You may want to check out cold therapy.
I
Love
It!
https://youtube.com/shorts/-rRFIKavwh0?feature=share
It’s rough. I know. Most people don’t even understand What it really is, or what the symptoms actually are… especially if they are not afflicted with it. However if there’s one thing I could say, it would be… the only constant is change and it will eventually get better.
I’d definitely recommend talking to someone, a therapist or social worker or psychologist. They can teach you a lot about yourself, and how to deal with your thought process. Particularly, recognizing, acknowledging, and stopping negative thought processes in their tracks. They can help in so many ways, even if it’s as simple as listening. You might also want to consider seeing a psychiatrist for medication if needed. There’s no quick solution, it does take work, but you can get through it. Stay up my friend.
The old cliches are true as well. Eating healthy, exercising, etc… definitely help.
I try to focus on and surround my self with people and things in my life that I love, like family, music, etc…
Listening to music often helps my mood for short term benefit
Playing and singing a song on guitar always makes me feel better about myself.
Hanging out with my niece and nephew has worked wonders both short and long term.
Just take it a day at a time, focus on the good things, find beauty in the little things, and most importantly get help by talking to a professional. Everyone needs help in life, the trick is knowing when you need it, being brave enough to seek it out, and continually working hard to improve your self.
Something we all need to be reminded of sometimes. Cheers.
Proper sleep, exercise daily, no alcohol/drugs, a selected diet, no diet drinks, breathing techniques, trying to avoid incoming stress, talking and being part of society, and taking cold showers. This has all been very effective for me. Maybe it can help others.
ah and .... making music;)
Remember we are music people and we are most probably highly sensitive and more emotional than the average person. This can be a good trait but also comes with a heavy price.
Never noticed this thread before but it is oddly comforting seeing many people also share in the same issues I/we deal with daily. The brain is a real bitch sometimes. Lately I’ve just been trying to take full advantage of the good days. There are still lots of bad days too but it’s easier to manage when I feel like I’m at least having some good days too.
Living with a neurodivergent brain is a PITA but we learn to cope most of the time.
Actually, about isolation, this is a factor for many people. So I think it is good to train oneself to be able to deal well with, and even enjoy solitude. One great training for this is to do some silent meditation retreats. It may or may not be the right choice for someone who is in active clinical depression, that would have to be decided on a case by case basis. But I am here more referring to it as something that might help as a kind of preventative measure for protecting against negative effects of isolation, for example if we go though another pandemic scenario similar to the last one. I had to do 2 weeks of home lockdown when I returned from Thailand to China in late February 2020. Completely alone for 2 weeks. It was not a problem for me in the slightest, but I think it would have been much more so if it weren't for the fact that I have previously spent extended periods of time on silent meditation retreat.
So basically, in times of relative health, you need to future proof yourself for times of potential future hardship, and in times of crisis, you need to try to find what the root causes of your current problem are and deal with them, whether with self care, social connection, professional help of whatever kind, etc etc. Very likely a multi-pronged approach is necessary, because any problem in a particular area is likely to start bleeding into other areas (eg physical health affecting mental health and this then impacting your social life, to take just one example).
I think it is really helpful to think in terms of Maslow's hierarchy of needs too. If you are lacking some of these, especially the most essential ones at the bottom, food shelter, and security, talking therapy etc will be a lot less helpful than it would be if these basic needs are already being met.
Sorry to hear brother. Regardless of, or maybe partly because of, your problems, you are really one of the people who brings the most light, joy and enthusiasm to this platform!
That was a great read Gav.
I think alot of the issues today with the human race is everyone feels the need to keep up with the latest trends, the way we talk, act and look. So people go to the gym get a great body, and the euphoria is immense but if your brain isn't trained then the spiral begins. Added to the fact people get heavily in debt to keep up, it's no wonder the human race is getting burned out.
Coupled with how deliberately overly complicated life is now. The people in power are slowly but surely pushing us minions in the direction that suits them.
The planet has had enough of the human race raping and pillaging for it's own titillation. So now it bites back with tsunamis, floods, heatwaves etc.
Decades ago when people had f@#k all they were more content because everybody was in the same boat. So people helped each other, there was a sense of community etc. But now for alot of people the simple things in life are taken for granted and under appreciated and they can't understand why they get depressed. There's a hole but don't know how to fill it.
Breathing exercises are a great way to calm the mind and meditation too. Unfortunately I lost both my parents, close together, 8 years ago and it truly messed me up. Went to the quacks and got put on anti depressants and did the talking therapy. None of which really helped. Then I started watching youtube videos on self help and understanding how the brain and mind work.I learn't more on YT than any doctor could help.
So I have been there too staring out the window with no intent on doing anything worthwhile. For days just existing, not interested at all with music, which is my life, so I know exactly what depression is. You just have to dig really, really deep inside yourself and cling on to the rope that will pull you out of the darkness.
Glad you found some things that help! Yeah, breathing is great, whether yoga or Wim Hof or whatever. Chanting too, or just singing or humming. About your 3rd paragraph, totally. This is one of the illusions I think that many people are under - that by increasing their freedom, for example financial freedom, but other kinds too, they will be happy. There is, sure, some truth to it, but there’s also a flipside. When you don’t depend on people, in some way, and they don’t depend on you, ie, you have no mutual dependency, relationships can become superficial. These are the kinds of things the super rich worry about. When they have completely wrecked the world with their greed and we’ve had some kind of Mad Max societal collapse, when money has no value any more, how will they stop their bodyguards turning against them.
I also definitely believe in the Epicurean idea that the smartest way to happiness is to train yourself to be satisfied with the simple things in life. If you’re stuck on the hedonic treadmill. The goalposts just keep changing and happiness never lasts long.
Very much appreciated my friend 🤝 I’d say the same right back at ya! This forum/platform in general is one of my safe spaces haha as I’m sure it is for everyone. We’ve built a great community here around iOS music making.
Couldn't have put it better myself!
I hadn’t noticed this thread, very glad I found it.
If one thing, everyone who’s openly sharing their mental health issues is extremely brave and on the right path. Kudos to you!.
Denial is sadly the most common way of dealing with mental health. And the government policies (or lack thereof) and public health system is a big factor in this terrible, ongoing pandemic.
I’ve had my fair deals with anxiety, drinking, blabla. But I’ve managed to stay afloat.
My mom, that’s the big one, she has been depressed forever. Lately had 2 suicide attempts. She’s never actually challenged her mental health. Always blaming life, bad luck or everything else…
This is where the public health system terribly fails. And we have one of the best, universal and free, in Spain. But there’s no resources for mental health, like if it wasn’t really a disease. She’s now diagnosed with personality disorder, way too late. After the suicide attempts and hospitalization.
So my mom has paid private psychiatric all her life. Every time she met an honest professional who wouldn’t cave in to her “poor me” reality, she wouldn’t go back, she’d go to one that took the money and pitied her. That simple. So she’s been paying for a diagnostic that suited her “nothing’s wrong with me, it’s just that life has been very hard and unfair”, that and a shit-ton of anti depressants and a ridiculous consumption of anxiety and sleeping pills.
Would that happen in the case of a heart condition?. No. You’d get a diagnosis, a treatment… if your kidney is fucked up, you’re taken care of, if your brain is fucked up you’re left to “be strong” and the usual obnoxious advice of people who seem to have the right to an opinion on mental health.
I can say after being on an antidepressant for a year now, they are amazing and the quality of life has vastly improved for me. After about a month on them I began to experience a clarity I hadn’t seen in a long time, like a fog was lifted from my brain.
If you are feeling depressed and have the means, I highly recommend getting your depression and anxiety treated. It took a long time for me to finally get back on them and the denial was very real. It was almost like how an alcoholic denies that they’re addicted and it fucks with your head. After I finally got back on them and got my brain back in order, I mourned a little for the time I lost to depression when I could have been out enjoying life instead of holed up in my house with anxiety but am thankful I made the decision to get help finally.
Thanks for sharing that
Medication can be great but care has to be taken not to fall into the rabbit hole that someone I know intimately has. This person has accumulated medications over the years to where they're now taking at least five medications with god knows what interactions. Sure, she has reached a place where life is maintainable, but it's a house of cards. She can't taper off on any of them without sending something or other spinning out of control. I shudder to think what all of this is doing to her physical health.
When she began medication more than 30 years ago the professional approach was to prescribe medication on a temporary basis to stabilize things enough so that the underlying causes could be addressed. Prescriptions were conditional on continued therapy from a psychiatrist. I'm amazed to find that today in the US that the typical role of psychiatrist has evolved from therapy to simply psychiatric medication management. She has to go there every 90 days or so for prescription renewals, but that's all that happens. A therapist is optional.
The soup of medications has evolved over the years. One medication helped with part of the problem. Another balanced that in some way. Then something was introduced to balance some interaction of the other two ... and on and on.
Like @tahiche describes, this person is unwilling or unable to accept that she can change. She has found a maintainable place in her cocktail of medications. When she does engage in talk therapy it's with therapists that are simply sympathetic and at most help with coping skills to indefinitely manage the problem.
At least it is "managed" for the most part now, but saddens me that there will never be progress. Both she and the care givers (and the pharmaceutical industry) are content to draw this out forever with no progress.
Hopefully care is better in places other than where I am. Here it has evolved into something with no goal of progress, only permanent coping and dependency.
Why did I bring all this up? Well ... because while I believe medication is needed when things are overwhelming, in order to be able to work on the root issues, I know someone intimately for whom that has turned into a permanent trap. I've had 30 years to observe it and am powerless to change it. It pains me for this person. If saying this can help even one person to avoid that fate it will be worth having shared.
Meds have been hit or miss for me over the years. I was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism as a kid and later on in life as well. Plus OCD and generalized anxiety. My depression generally stems from the other diagnosis’s but some medications just wreaked havoc on me. Especially Ritalin as a younger teen. I haven’t really taken any in a few years but I’m thinking of getting back on something eventually.
I tried some meds a few times in life and never really had much success. I have accepted I need to live differently to others and it’s not a bad thing just peculiar.
But what really helps me these days is medical weed. Not for everyone of course but taking it routinely like medication and dialed in for me specifically is very beneficial.
I will say, medicinal marijuana helps me quite a bit as well. It’s not a perfect 100% solution but has been better than pretty much everything else I’ve tried.
I’m not entirely sure if I’ll ever go back to medications again or not either. I hate the whole process of adjusting to new medications, dealing with the side effects while you wait to see if it’ll even work. Weight fluctuations, losing appetite, etc. For some people it’s great but for some I think it’s just not worth it.
Yeah that’s a good point, it’s definitely not a black or white issue and always a process. I feel like I really lucked out with my doctor getting me on the right thing on the first try cos I have had those moments where they couldn’t get it right and it was not a fun experience. That probably aided in my aversion to it for so long cos they had me on like five different things at one point and I felt like a total zombie from it, it was definitely not fun. My dad has gone through a lot with mental illness as well so that’s always been hard to watch cos in the 90s it seemed like they were experimenting and throwing shit at the wall until something sticks. Medical marijuana has definitely been beneficial for me as well even before medication but it definitely got to the point where it wasn’t enough. It really was almost enough though, I still need it a lot to help me see things more objectively if I get stuck in my head about something and helps me get to sleep as well